I have come to the point where I dread sleep yet look forward to it. Not sure that makes sense. At this time of day, I want to just crawl into bed and sleep the rest of the day away. When it gets late and it's actually time to go to bed, I crawl under the covers and pray I'll sleep through the night and not dream. Even in my dreams, I can't find solace. They are either too perfect or horrible. So either way, I wake up sad or whatever.
I doubt anyone misses me at the Christian group. It's been two weeks and I just wanted someone to care that I wasn't there. I feel like this other group is just being nice to the me I let people see. I fear after they get to know me and know I carry around depression like an elephant, I'll have to stop going there too.
I'm just so tired of pretending and having to wear a mask. This time of year is hard for me: my grandma passed away this time and the passing of my cousin would have been a year in December. She wanted to live and fight…why couldn't I have died instead of her?
I feel the two days I went without one of my medications is still affecting me. Oh well, I'm not stranger to pain and sadness. I just want to look forward to more than sleep or not even that.
I really wish I could gather up the courage to end my life…I have nothing to look forward to or live for. Everyone BUT me wants me to keep fighting. How many times do I have to say how tired I am? How many more times will I have to hide because my feelings are treated like taboo?
13 days until I see my psychiatrist. Oh boy what will he say when I tell him all that I've been experiencing? Or do I tell him? I feel like every time I go in there, I have to be mindful of a line that mustn't be crossed. If I wasn't in school and didn't have student loans breathing down my neck, I'd be honest with him and risk my freedom. How I managed to stay out of the hospital for nearly four years, I don't know. Maybe it's time I go back in or get myself put there. I don't know why I bother blogging here and any where. I feel like my complaints and pain fall on deaf ears. Maybe if I can secretly plan things out, I will be successful. Like making sure I am Not at school and I am at home instead. As for my method…there's only really one way and even this way isn't a guarantee.
It's so stupid, I can't even be totally honest here, with the government monitoring everything. I can just see them coming to my door and preventing me from trying anything.
The way I feel now…I dread talking to my parents but thanks to my big mouth–saying I don't feel like myself–they'll probably wonder why I don't want to talk.
I can't even bring myself to cry–that is now I know it's bad. If I could cry, I'd have a shred of relief.
I'm beginning to think I don't belong in either Bible-related group. I am too f***ed up and too unstable.
Part of me really wants help but with my parents an hour away, I guess I have to just suffer.
Related Articles
-
Maladaptive daydreaming
daphne3631, , Depression, Addiction, Personality Disorder, 1
First let me tell you about myself. I remeber daydreaming from a very early age. Whenever a cartoon was...
-
WHAT THE F ????!!!!
Reyesik, , Depression, Anger, Depression, 0
so my mom came back from Nicaragua yesterday and like 20 minutes ago i was talking to her and...
-
Progress!
sadviolinist, , Depression, Personality Disorder, Sex Therapy, Stress, Therapist, Therapy, Weight Loss, 0
First of all, I want to thank everyone who read my blog and gave me the much needed support...
-
“To Be a Mental Patient”
lindameyer29, , Depression, Anger, Career, Schizophrenia, Self Esteem, Therapist, Therapy, 0
I am thankful that I do not have a lot of these struggles but I know there are so...
-
Planning to be a missionary’s wife, instead I became a homeless teen slut in a week
BeccaSweet, , Addiction, Anxiety, Depression, LGBT, Teens, Relationships, Religion, Sex Therapy, 1
I’m not even sure how to begin this, or how to even really put it into words. When I’m...
-
Suicidal
BJA, , Depression, Anxiety, Child, Lesbian, Gay, LGBTQ, 0
It's after 1am. I'm looking for answers. I really don't want to die,but I have had a good life,...
-
Searching
Twiggysiren, , Anxiety, Depression, Anxiety, Psychosis, Religion, 0
I’m searching for Jesus. I can’t find Him anywhere, it seems, and I’m always chasing after whatever it is...
-
0 Comments
FEATURED THERAPISTS
NEXT >

My sensitive and engaging, direct and practical, style is reported by my clients as one of their attractions to working with me. I work with Children, Adolescents and Adults, addressing ADHD, depression and anxiety, divorce, loss and medical trauma. . I would be honored with your trust in me.

Since 1977 that I am working with divers men and women clients as well as I was fortunate to live in three different countries, plus constantly continuing education and updating my knowledge related to human behaviors, made me a knowledgeable and strong therapist working with individuals and families during their hard time of life.

I provide professional, results-oriented counseling with a focus on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Hypnosis, methods that more quickly and effectively brings about positive changes. As a Marriage and Family Therapist, I also work extensively with couples and family members on relationship issues.

Are you considering reaching out for support? Could your teenager use some new ways of dealing with stress? Are you hoping for a change in your life? Does your adolescent need a safe place to talk? Do you want to live more fulfilled? There are many changes that come with life's seasons and we're proud to be here to help you navigate them. We help people to develop a self-care plan to deal with stress, cope with grief or loss, deal with past traumatic experiences, and to better manage anger. We can also help you to get along better with family members, improve your relationship with your spouse, and learn new coping skills.

Seeking an alternative to traditional therapy?
That’s why I’m here. My tools range from innovative new mind-body modalities (e.g., Energy Psychology) to the most ancient spiritual/energetic modality (shamanic healing). These tools enable me to help clients address most of the problems that licensed mental health professionals do – plus some they can’t. And usually do it more efficiently.
This is the main reason I almost always have one or more licensed therapists as clients. See the testimonials on my website.

Have you ever wondered why some people just keep going on no matter what challenges life presents and others struggle? We believe that resilience is learned not doled out randomly. We provide the necessary skills to navigate the world with greater effectiveness, satisfaction, and happiness. We would love to talk with you about what we do and how we can help you.

I believe we all want to live a good and meaningful life. Sometimes, difficult experiences, relationship issues, and other stressors can make us feel unhappy, overwhelmed, and overall dissatisfied with our lives. This can affect our ability to think clearly and make choices that helps us to move towards what is important to us in life and being the kind of person we want to be. My approach is collaborative and evidence-based. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, National Certified Counselor, and I am certified in Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavior Therapy.

Ashburn Psychological Services was founded in 2005 by Dr. Michael Oberschneider. The practice has been well received by area professionals and families and has grown to be the home of some of the area's leading psychiatrists and psychologists. We are here to address your needs.
Personal set-backs and conflictual relationships are common problems that we all can face at some point in our lives. My approach is respectful and compassionate. I have doctoral level clinical training, research experience, several publications, and am adjunct faculty at Virginia Tech.

I guarantee discretion and tailor-made concierge services to all clients, particularly high-profile-high-public-exposure-high-stress persons. NO e-tracking. No communication to portals, employers, doctors, etc... unless you want it. No clearance problem, reputation preserved, anonymity and confidentiality in a discreet location or online.
ONLINE THERAPISTS
NEXT >

I help people heal from trauma. I use EMDR, Gestalt therapy, and other mind -body methods to address PTSD, anxiety, and depression in ways that are safe, gentle, and effective. If you have any questions, please call me or send me an email .

I guarantee discretion and tailor-made concierge services to all clients, particularly high-profile-high-public-exposure-high-stress persons. NO e-tracking. No communication to portals, employers, doctors, etc... unless you want it. No clearance problem, reputation preserved, anonymity and confidentiality in a discreet location or online.

Seeking therapy is a courageous first step toward the relief you are searching for and need. Therapy provides the opportunity to more deeply reflect on self, experiences, and circumstances. Together we can bring healing to your mental health. We have a team of licensed therapists in DC, Maryland, and Virginia providing online therapy to those seeking to improve their lives.

Customized therapy designed for adolescents, adults, couples and families. My goal is to provide a safe, supportive space for individuals to process stressors, better manage difficult emotions, disrupt unhealthy patterns, work through grief and trauma, and build healthy, sustainable relationships.

Our therapists offer a direct, kind approach to our clients to meet their personal goals and needs. We specialize in helping our clients feel more connected in their relationships, process difficult past events, and improve their mood. We would love to talk with you about what you are looking for in therapy and if we might be a good fit for you.

We provide high quality counseling and mental health services to children, teens and adults in Virginia. We were founded on the principle that all individuals will face challenges in life, and we all posses the ability to overcome them. However, sometimes circumstances can feel overwhelming and we struggle to manage the realities of everyday life. This is when feelings of depression, anxiety and hopelessness can begin to dominate our daily reality. The good news is, by combining scientifically proven methods, you can build the resilience skills necessary to thrive, no matter what circumstances you face. We are a team of over 40 Counselor’s and Therapist’s each offering a unique skill set to meet your individualized needs.

EverWhen Therapy works with their clients to build rapport, create a strengths-based approach to sessions, and provide a healthy therapeutic setting that is focused on growth and healing. Integrative approaches and techniques are used to address individual needs, provide support, and enhance the therapeutic relationship. EverWhen Therapy clinicians understand the importance of adapting to the client's needs while engaging in challenging work.

Have you ever wondered why some people just keep going on no matter what challenges life presents and others struggle? We believe that resilience is learned not doled out randomly. We provide the necessary skills to navigate the world with greater effectiveness, satisfaction, and happiness. We would love to talk with you about what we do and how we can help you.

It's completely understandable to have feelings of anxiety, overwhelm, stress and depression--especially now. Being a human is tough stuff! I want to be your go-to companion as we figure out a way to make these feelings a little easier for you to deal with on a daily basis. I'd love to talk for an initial consultation (totally free!) to see if you think we'd work well together!

My approach is collaborative with the individual or family, providing therapeutic pathways & education to promote existing strengths & abilities to sustain achieved outcomes long after counseling is completed. Because of my experience as an Adoption Worker and an adoptive parent, I offer specific supports in the area of adoption and complex childhood trauma.