This is my first post. I have no idea what I’m doing, speaking generally too. I’m just going to jump right in, I was diagnosed with depression just over 2 years ago and I feel like since then it’s just taken over my life. I feel like I was managing before I was diagnosed or maybe I just thought I was? Did anybody else feel this way? I’m not sure what I’m looking for here, maybe just some validation that I’m not going mad. They’re still trying to find a medication that works for me, my family are trying to find a way to talk to me and my partner is trying to find a way to live with me and I just feel like this was all happening comfortably before they knew. I admit part of me was glad, I was spiralling quickly and in one sense maybe it saved me but in another it’s a label now I wear it for everyone to see. It’s the first thing that comes to their heads when they’re around me.I can see it, I can see them tip toeing and thinking carefully about what they say, I can see them watching me and checking up on me. I just want to be left alone, I want it to go away, i want everyone to go back to not knowing or just pretend they don’t. I know it sounds ridiculous, you think of be happy about their concern but I’m not I just want to scream at them to go away. If I’m being really honest I don’t think it would matter actually, maybe this post is pointless because I’ve always rathered be alone than in company, it just feels more intense now or something. It’s hard to explain, I just want peace…quite… aloneness, I’m aware that last one probably isn’t a word but I’m using it regardless. The worst part is none of them know what they’re dealing with , it’s all stereotype bullshit. To be fair half the time I don’t know what I’m dealing with so to ask them to is probably unfair. Am very aware this post is swinging back and forth, I think I’m having the discussion with myself really. I’m not sure if this is a blog or a post and if I’m honest I’m not sure of the difference, please do correct me.

1 Comment
  1. SullenGirl76 1 year ago

    The feelings you’re having are completely normal. You’re projecting your discomfort and self-awareness onto others. I’ve been there many times. The people around you may be looking at you differently, and maybe they are being more mindful of how they talk to you, but why does that have to be a bad thing? Why is it bad for people to be more thoughtful in how they treat you? You may not be used to it because you grew accustomed to being treated otherwise, and maybe that is the source of the discomfort you’re experiencing. But there is nothing wrong with people being made aware of your illness and their need to treat you with respect and dignity. If it really bothers you, you can address it with them and say something like “I’m still me,” or “I’m not made of glass – I won’t break that easily.” Something along those lines. They may not even be aware they are acting differently. The bottom line is that sometimes you have to initiate the discussion.

    Good luck to you on your journey!

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