I do not freaking get it! Why must I always being strong for everyone else…why can no one ever be strong for me? For my entire life, I have always had to be the strong one, I have always had to make everyone happy, but it never freaking matters when I need to be helped and made happy…

This is something that doesn’t matter to anyone around me, my feelings either get ignored, or I get told to get the hell over it…but if I say that to anyone I have to deal with them wanting to commit suicide or self injury or something…but if those thoughts ever cross my mind, it’s a damn crime! I am so sick of this…no one ever realizes how much I need them…how much I need to be made smile.

It seems like when I need the most help, when I am closest to killing myself because I can no longer handle it, someone comes up to me and tells me that they need me. I cant say no….or go away…and I sure as hell cant tell them that I need help more, so what am I supposed to do????

I know a lot of people will say “Give it to God” or something like that, but dammit I spent my entire life trying to give it to God, and it seemed like things just got worse. Yeah my religion says I’m Wiccan, but in all honesty I don’t know what I am…and I swear if someone comments on this thing and starts putting bible verses, I will freaking block them, because all that will do is piss me off. I may believe in God, and Jesus, but there is more, and I am to the point, that I do not want religion stuck down my throat…

I am so sick of feeling like everyone else is supposed to come before me….