I have spent the last eight years of my life failng to live up to what I feel is my potential. I haven’t been able to hold a job for the last six years, primarily because I can’t get myself out of bed in the morning. It is easier to sleep than to face the world. The way I feel right after I wake up is so very peaceful that I avoid fully waking up until I simply can’t sleep any more.
Four years ago, I decided to go back to school and finish my bachelor’s degree in engineering physics. Unfortunately, I don’t seem to be able to concentrate on anything long enough to really study. My classes became one more thing that I avoided and I have failed or withdrawn from most everthing I have attempted. I did manage to finish one class in the semester that has just ended, Intro to Philosophy, but although I quite enjoyed it, I quit doing the work halfway through and ended up with a C.
I am afraid that if I leave college again that I will never finish. I have never been able to manage a job while going to school, so I am afraid to try. I have a tendency to start big projects, get distracted, and then lose interest in the project. I have trouble concentrating and I am bored a lot.
I have a lot of good friends and a family that cares about me, but I don’t want to burden them with my troubles as most have their own problems. I have been trying to set myself attainable goals, which has worked to some degree, but I feel isolated most of the time.
I am transferring to an online college for next semester and changing my studies back to computer programming. The curriculum is self-paced and the courses are consecutive instead of concurrent. Hopefully this will work better for me.