I have just had my first day at college. It was scary as hell. I was shaking like a leaf this morning. I'm not sure how I feel. Good? Bad? Pleased? Disappointed?
Okay. So I get on the bus. I sit by myself. I like this. I don't mind. Someone sits by me, I know her from my high school. We have never spoke. We don't speak. I pretend to listen to my ipod. Someone else gets on the bus, the 'popular' people from my high school say 'heyyyyy, sit next to *Katrina' (the girl next to me) and then they notice me and go 'woooopppps'. I just want to hide. They make it so awkward.
Anyway, I get to college. Follow some people. Try to 'fit in'. Fail. I go to form after getting lost. Meet someone called *Caty, she seems nice. Not doing any subjects the same though. Then this other girl from my high school *Holly is like stay with me!!! I don't know anyone. So i sit by her. We have to do all these awkward 'ice breakers' which I hate. And then go to so many different 'talks'. Boring. Long. Dull. Tiring. So Caty introduces me to her friends, loads. So many names, I remember like 4. The school is huge and I can't remember where anything is. They all seem nice and everthing but i'm rubbish at attempting to socialise. I'm kind of a loner. Anyway, did it go well? I don't know.
At the end of the day, two of the girls who had said we were 'friends' gave me a hug. This gave me a bit of a shock tbh.
So I think I was quite happy up to this point. And then I had to wait 20 minutes for the bus. Here comes the bad part….I stand there waiting on my own like a lemon. Just standing there. Holly doesn't bother to try to talk to me, infact she turns her back on me. So i'm like thanks. This bus stop appears to only contain people from my school, no one new to talk to, and I don't know these people and I don't really want to. We weren't friends at high school and they are already stood in two little group circles, am i just meant to push in? So I take out my ipod and pretend to listen. I hear one group of girls whisper my name, nothing else, then I see them out of the corner of my eye, all looking over at me. I ignore it. What am I meant to do? I hate this type of thing, it really freaks me out, just adding more to my anxiety and paranoia. I felt so stupid. It's one of the worst feelings I know.
I hurry onto the bus as soon as it comes to a stop, sit on my own, again. And again, continue pretending to listen to music. Yet again I can feel them staring at me, hear the mention of my name that they don't realise I can hear. I close my eyes and really turn the music up.
How did my first day go?
I truly do not know.