This is going to be all over the place, but I think I have a point. So New Year's day is practically over, and I hate it. I can't stand it when people are all gung ho about changing themselves around New Years, those stupid New Year's Resolutions. I don't really understand them. If you want to change yourself, or something, why wait until a new year, just do it now. My mom is on another weight loss kick. She is constantly, but mostly for me. I know I'm fat, unattractive, unhealthy, whatever. I would love to drop weight like my dad or my brother, but I can't. My hypothyroidism makes it nearly impossible, and then the medicines I have allow my body to hold onto even more fat. I have tried, but it is extremely difficult. The only time in the last three years I have lost more than ten pounds is this past fall when I had my tonsils removed, and I ate nothing but applesauce and only drank water for two weeks. I gained it back the moment I started eating again. We've talked to the doctor and she keeps saying "work harder and make better food choices". I'm seventeen this is when it's supposed to be a cinch to lose weight. And my mood has been borderline insane lately, and the only friend my age keeps "checking in" on me and it pisses me off that she won't leave me alone. And I've been thinking a lot about my brother. I love him a lot, I'm extremely jealous of him, but I love him a ton. He's leaving on the seventh to go back to school, and my brain starts going through scenarios that I fear, like Sam's only coming home because it's free living expenses at home, and that I'm going to be very overwhelmed next semester, and I won't do well grade wise, and my job is going to be so stressful with two more special needs kids. I've had nightmares about going back to school and work since I left, and I've been worrying all day the past two days to where I think I just want to throw up I feel so sick. What do you know, I had no point. Go figure. I can't wrap this up, my touch screen is pissing me off and Angel won't shut up until I lay down.


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