So what do I do with my BF? Twice now, he’s called me his fiance, once to his grandmother in the spring and once on our application to adopt a cat at the shelter this summer. Both times, I was touched by the gesture, but he’s not gotten me a ring yet.

Am I greedy to want one? I don’t want a diamond, in fact, I prefer quartz crystals, amethyst and hematite instead. I know the metal of the ring might be a problem as I’m allergic to most alloy metals (that is gold and silver as even “sterling silver” is an alloy with copper and so turns my skin colors and makes it itchy). I searched for metals online and we could go with steel, palladium (that’s the one I’d recommend), platinum, or titanium. So, truthfully, the expensive part would be the metal, but I wouldn’t even mind if he just went down to the Mineral Museum (free admission) and bought me a few of their Hematite bands. They’re $1 each and are easy to replace if they break (they’re a bit brittle).

Also, I know that it isn’t a money problem. His mother donated a set of rings to us (from a marriage that didn’t go through) to either use or trade in. I’m taking a wild guess that there might be one diamond, but I won’t guess for more. Trade in value, I know people don’t get much of what it was bought at, but it’s a good start. Especially with the one diamond, I’m sure it will cover a lot compared to the minor gemstones I like.

Mostly, I just want the gesture from him. We’re very open about discussing things like this (as not even christmas presents are surprises), but he seems to be under the impression that we shouldn’t get any engagement ring until we start planning the wedding. I think that’s a bit backwards. An engagement ring (and engagement itself) is the intent to marry. A person wouldn’t start planning a wedding before they intend to marry, you have the intention first, then plan, then execute.

A good friend of mine, though, who I was seeking advice from wouldn’t put in his opinion on the situation except for one thing: he reminded me about how I’ve never let my BF see me in a full-on breakdown. I’ve never had one around him because I fear that it might push him away (like it had a previous BF who left after just one). My friend seems to think that I shouldn’t be looking for a ring, but see if my BF can handle me in a meltdown first. I admit, I was hoping to take care of that part of me by myself. It’s embarrassing, really.

Other friends of mine state that I should put my foot down and tell my BF not to call me his fiance until he actually asks me to marry him and “seals the deal” with a ring. They think he’s got no business calling me his fiance if he’s not willing to actually propose.

Then, of course, there’s the one friend who wants to pound my BF into the ground for his stupidity. Friends, they take all kinds.

But, in the meantime, what do I do? I mentioned to him that I could use one of my old costume jewelry, but that I’d be very disappointed because it would not be from him. Should I follow my first friend’s advice and wait? I don’t want to pester my BF because I don’t want to drive him away, but I’m already feeling disappointed.

  1. sasha1969 10 years ago

    My 2 cents…Anyone calling me their fiance without asking my permission to do so would get a stern talking to.

    0 kudos
  2. maryt 2 years ago

    First, I’d be honest about the “meltdowns.” You want a lasting relationship? Start with honesty, about the meltdowns, the fact he has not actually asked you to marry him, that he used the word “fiancée” to gain something from it, etc. All these things spell disaster in the long run because it sounds like you both don’t know how to be honest with each other. Neither of you are ready to take it to the marriage level because honesty is missing.

    0 kudos

Leave a reply

© 2023 WebTribes Inc. | find your tribe

Log in with your credentials


Forgot your details?

Create Account