well this is my first blog. I just feel i have to write this because i am feeling so good about myself.
over the past few days and this morning i had been feeling really down and overwhelmed. i have been getting up at lunchtime nearly everyday during hols because it delayed facing another day. this site has helped though. anyway around 3 o clock this afternoon my mum forced me to get up off the sofa. i spent a couple of hours on here and i found myself feeling a little better and I had the thought of going for a nice run, something i used to do everyday but had now cut down almost completely ,even though I still do sport. plenty of times before when i have been for a run i start obsessing thinking "i can't do this,i'm not going to make it, i can't i can't i can't " . once it gets in my head its hard to stop. I know people can get this when there not fit and they just get nackered. thing is I am really fit and this starts a couple of minutes into it. when i have my ipod with some nice motivating music i stay focused and just enjoy the run.today however, my battery ran out. without music i now have a mind free to start obsessing. started off with worries, and then came to my " i can't finish this run" thing. my looking around me and analyzing compulsion started and made it so hard to just keep running. But i forced myself to keep going and i went the whole route i had planned. when i stopped i finished with a five minute walk the rest of the way home feeling absolutely amazing and pleased with myself. i seem to have had a massive endorfin release and i enjoyed a nice calm walk home contemplating the beautiful things around me( i have the mountains on one side and the sea on the other) with nothing but positive thoughts.. i just feel so positive right now i had to write this. I now have a calm feeling. i still have a thought repeating itself every two minutes, but now that thought is " I CAN do this".