Hi I'm Bill, and I'm a disaster junkie
So in my last blog, I explained to you how I was having problems with hurricane relief and I couldn't stop volunteer work, etc etc.
Well, as much as I like to tout the benefits of CBT/DBT and am proud of all that i have done thus far working towards my recovery, it's worsening.
I forced myself to limit my time volunteering/coordinating volunteer efforts to 1.5hrs a day… it somewhat worked, but the problem is the people I volunteer with……. See, most of the folks I gravitate towards are political activists, and I've been slowly getting pulled back in.
Then there's the fact that Gaza and Israel are again at odds again, and that makes things …. difficult.
Admittedly, I've lost control. I spend the day, whether it's at home or at work, watching CNN, BBC, RT, Al Jazeera, Democracy Now, Current, and the list goes on and on. While I'm on there, I'm also talking to others on FB, Instagram, twitter, and most recently, IRC again. IRC is the most dangerous because it has again put me in touch with hacktivists from my past. I'm Trying desperately to not get pulled 'back in' but I'm failing. I went to my family and explained the place I'm in, but that was met with a group of people trying to 'fix me'. Sometimes, we only need someone to listen, and care… Why is that so hard to grasp?
In the meantime, I continue to work with hurricane victims, protestors, and have nightly conversations with Palestinian and Israeli people who are fighting for peace in their respective lands. This goes on every waking moment of my life; I've neglected my wife and children, and I don't know how to stop.
I've been consumed and I see that it happened but I cannot pull myself out.
Barin…it seems you're in a bit of a pickle.
First of all…watching Al Jazeera. That's tantamount to watching Telemundo for entertainment. If you're going to be an activist, I must insist no more of that channel.
Second, big hugs your way. I know this is hard for you.
Third…you're a smart guy. You know what places you should and should not go. This isn't a fix, but…alcoholics shouldn't hang out at wine-tasting parties and bars or run liquor stores and pubs…and people with your type of OCD obviously should stay away from the places that feed their OCD. So…shut down the IRC. You can do it.
Fourth…you know you can do nothing really about the Gaza situation. You're like an apple in a bunch of oranges with that. Realistically speaking…that situation is kind of…unsolvable. Especially by a hot dude in New Jersey. You don't have the same emotional feeling these people do to the conflict. You'll never fully understand. And you can't mediate it.
Fifth…the hurricane. It's awful. It's destroyed so many people's lives. And you're letting it destroy yours, too. Not just yours, though. Your kids are becoming casualties of it because you are getting sucked in even more. Now, I know you're a great guy and you want to help, but who comes first? Who in a hurricane is most important? Your family or the guy down the block? You kind of need to treat it that way, babe. I'm listening. I am. However, you know what you're supposed to be doing…so do it. I refuse to believe that you of all people can look between Eve and IRC…then say "Eve, I'm busy with more important people and things…go watch Yo Gabba Gabba or something and I'll catch up with you during your teenage years when you're an emotionally confused adolescent who hasn't had your primary male role model in your life very much and because of that are looking for affection and self-worth from the creepy boys in your class that want to take you to keg parties." There's always going to be something, Billy-Boy. Sometimes…all that has to be set aside for the greater good of the people YOU chose to bring into this world. You know it. I know it. I'm here to help any way I can, but you need to step away from the tv and the computer…live your life. Let your kids live theirs with an active Dad.
Lastly, I love you to bits.
Sorry you are struggling hope you can get through this. if you just need someone to listen i am here ((Hugs))