Happy fucking Thanksgiving. Sure. I am supposed to be on a DIET so I am watching everything that goes in my mouth. Hopefully after a few drinks I just won't care anymore. My main motivation to lose weight was for the guys I care about but since they disappeared, there just IS no more motivation. That's fine anyway, because I look like a fat fucken sow. I haven't lost an ounce and I've been on this diet 12 days. I should at least look at LITTLE better, but I really don't.

I really think that I have not heard from C because he read my posts on FB about me gaining weight. Usually, when he comes up for Thanksgiving, I am one of the first people he calls. But this year… nothing. I KNOW it's because he found out I got fat. I just fucking KNOW it.

And of course I haven't heard from K. I was really hoping he'd text me and wish me a Happy Thanksgiving. I know he is busy with his family but it would only take a minute. Now I am stressing that he's forgotten about me or has someone else and I just want to DIE. I don't know how I am going to get through these holidays I really really do not.

Christmas is worse. K's birthday is only 5 days before Christmas. I hate it all. I hate not being able to talk to him, see him… and I hate looking like this although like I said it does not matter if I'm not going to see him anyway…

Bcause of the problem at the bank (I DID NOT spend as much as what disappeared from my account) I have no money for all the online Black Friday/Cyber Monday etc… sales. I am really depressed about that. The only place I can shop is Macys because I have a card there. There's no more money in my bank account.

Well that's my Thanksgiving. That's all the thanks I'm gonna give too.