I should be writing my English Paper.. but instead I need to list everything I'm scared of. I'm just going to start listing them off of the top of my head… I want to see how many things I'm afraid of, and print them off. I want to defeat each one by the end of my life… Having no fear.. wouldnt that be a great feeling!?
1. Flying on a Plane
2. Driving with someone in my car (I can only drive myself places or be driven)
3. Go somewhere further then an hour away.
4. Go on vacation. (This is a biggie and really hard for me)
5. Moving out
6. Losing Important people in my life (soooo scared of abandonment)
7. Death of a friend / parent/ someone close
8. Going to a far away college (has always been a dream of mine….)
9. Having Children (The birth process SCARES me and so does the taking care of it part)
10. Throwing up
11. Passing out. (Its never happened knock on wood.. but I'm super scared of it)
12. Drinking alchohal (I'm afraid of throwing up..soooo i cant drink at all)
13. Getting Cancer or some incurable disease
14. Getting surgery (never had it done)
15. Getting knocked out on laughing gas or something of that sort (never had it done)
16. Getting a cavity (never had one)
17. Going to the hospital / ambulance
18. Getting my wisdom teeth taken out
19. Working out too hard and not being able to breathe (seen it happen..scares me)
20. Going on Stage
21. Presenting ANYTHING in front of a group of people (Ive been getting better with this one)
22. Taking college classes that are not online (Im also getting better at this)
23. Going Crazy. (kind of ironic seeing my list above.. hahaa. but im scared I'm going to just go nutso one day)
24. Getting alzheimers or something related and not being able to remember things (When I forget about things I freak out and think that I have some type of something that is making this happen)
25. Getting embarassed.
26. Getting fat (But i refuse to work out.. )
27. Never getting over my panic attacks
28. HAving a panic attack. Thats pretty much my biggest fear. Im my own worst enemy.
29. GEtting a job that requires physical activity or dealing with a large group of people at a time.
30. Doing anything spontaneous.
31. Going to the mall. ( I cant do it becuase the exits are so far away.)
32. Getting pregnant. (This is normal around my age though.)
33. Getting in a car accident.
34. Leave the country
35. Sky Dive or do anything height related.
I'm sure theres tons more but I can't think of anymore right now…. Fear has taken over my life, I can't do the things I would someday like to do. I don't want to tlive my whole life in constant fear.. it's no way to live!! I realize this but still cannot get over my fears. I never want to sit on my deathbed and think that there is so much I would have wanted to have done.. I feel like my entire lifei have never really LIVED.. just kind of passed it by.. Theres so many times I have turned down oppurtunites that have arisen because I was afraid I'd get a panic attack. A sad sad situation….But it seems that I also don't want to change and Iw ant to stay this way forever (but thats the anxiety talking)
Thats enough for now. Thanks for lsitening.