well its almost 1am thursday morning. im not to tired so i figured i would blog a summary of the last 2 weeks. nothing special really has occured.

last weekend i did get jumped on the way to a friends house. a couple of guys ran up to me from behind and beat on me. it wasnt to bad. i did have a spliting headache for a few days. odd seeing as how little things can make me sad or down very easily. but this didnt. i was upset for the remaining 3 minutes it took to get to my friends house. then i just got some ice put it on my head and continued on with my night. the next day i could feel myself wanting to get mad. and i feel that i deserve to be mad. but i wasnt. i just sorta kept my calm. it was a struggle for a few days but my calm never broke. later that week i found out that 2 of my friends were jumped by either 10-15 or 15-20. cant tell for sure. but i know it was at least 10. that was a bit harder to keep calm about. but yet again i did.

i dont know if its an answer to prayer. or my resolve had somehow recharged or what. its as if have the means to keep myself at a certain level of peace. and im happy for it. i have seen it break a few times here and there in the last 2 weeks but seeing as how it use to happy off and on all day… i think its definately an improvement.

on a different note… i have just started another book yesterday. after finishing a book i started last friday and finished monday. last wednsday i finished a book also. i have read around 8 or so books since the start of the year. thats a big plus. i use to love to read but lost that desire along with most other desires when my drepression took complete control.

seems my house is finally settling down. it went from 3 single guys to 2 couples. 1 single guy and  family of 3 with another on the way. it was sorta chaotic at first but fun none the less. now it seems everyone is meshing well. especially bathroom rotations lol.

still havent found a job. sucks cause im falling farther behind in bills and rent but my landlord is very nice about not asking for it. i feel bad that i cant pay him.. even if he is my brother & law. but i do volunteer around 20+ hours a week at his wifes (my sisters) daycare. so i guess in some ways it balances out.

i could ramble on about some of the bad things that did happen in the last 2 weeks but i feel that this blog should end on a positive note.

also i might be going to new mexico and/or arizona to volunteer with a missions association. its not something i feel i want to do (be a missionary) but my church and friends support the work and i have the chance to go and see what its all about for a few weeks. so thats what i will probably do depending on their scheduals and etc etc.

i find it amazing how much things seem better when they arent going terribly wrong. its like 3 stages for me. terrible >>>> not bad or good>>>> fantastic. so right now im on "not bad or good" … wondering which way its gonna lean tomorrow. guess thats all anyone can do eh