I don't know if it's the winter weather bringing this shit back or not but it's killing me. It doesn't help that in the summer/fall I was very busy and would constantly forget to take my meds but this is what is going on. I was doing good, intrusive thoughts and impulses to a minimum. All of the sudden it's like a spike, having impulses related to HOCD, anxious tingling, fear, etc. to the point where I don't even want to look at guys. I know I find women attractive and want to be with them, but I'm worrying I am losing my attraction to them or becoming desensitized because I use porn to reassure myself I'm not gay, however because of the thoughts it often backfires. I'm trying to cut out pornography completely, not because I think it is evil or anything but I just know it is having a negative effect on me. I've always been hesitant and nervous around women, even when in relationships only because I'm nervous of doing something wrong and I don't want to be rejected…it's clear I have a lot of issues. I'm constantly assessing past encounters, "Did I really feel that?" , "Was I just in denial?" , "am just in denial now?", "What if it's all been a lie?". I don't want any of this I just want to go back to normal….I realize too that alot of this came up a couple of weeks ago when I began having a crush on a classmate, she is beautiful, cute, funny, and alot like myself. I hate this shit…I'd love for feedback. Or opinions, I know reassurance is a crutch for anxiety that doesn't help for long but any relief from this would be great. The only peace I get is in sleep.

1 Comment
  1. zoey9639 3 years ago

    My hocd is 80 percent cured . I found NOFAP community online . Only thing that has seriously worked plus no caffeine no sugar

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