Humm.. Where should I start.

Well I work my ass off and I try so damn hard to make ends meet. I love my family and friends but this year is so hard! I barely can pay rent I barely can pay any of my bills actually. My family deserves so much for all that that do for me and I cant do squat for them. Its makes me feel so horrible. They work hard and do the same that I do, but I guess I dont have the same luck!

I dont buy more then I need or anything like that, but my boyfriend is trying so so hard to find a job a decent one. He has been laid off 4 TIMES this year. There are NO jobs that pay decent or give benefits or anything. DOES THIS REALLY EXISIT? He is working a job now but jeez we dont have money for gifts this year.

All the stress of Christmas or any holiday really puts me in a bind. I'm so depressed, anxious, cant stop the tears from coming. I know my family understands but its so hard. I dont want to get them expense things either, just little stuff so they know I care and damn it I TRIED! But its seems now I cant even do that. I feel I do the best of my ablity, and so does my man but we can never catch a frickin break ever…….

I guess I'm fortuate enough to have a roof over my head, and food in my belly, but I just want more for my life. Not money or objects   JUST SOME FRICKIN LUCK! I'm sure alot of you out there feel the same today but I just cant keep my head up this year. I just feel like I'm drowning and cant pick my head up out of the water.

Just for once in my life I want to be frickin happy around the holidays instead of feeling like crap when people open there presents. I have a 2 year nephew and all I want is to give him the world and but Aunt Leasha cant give him much more them acouple used toys.