another day, another dollar. Well maybe not another dollar, but another day, definatly.

I had my fourtnightly meeting with Matt, my probation officer yesterday. He said i was the first person out of 17 appointments he had, that acutally showed up! I can’t imagine not showing up, concidering if I don’t, he could put me behind bars, so why risk that???!! The meeting went well. He said that he is very impressed with me going to see the psych, knowing how scared i was of the whole thing. He is still concernd with my drinking, but one thing at a time. He sort of said that I wont fully stop drinking until I can sort out the REASON for it. which makes complete sence.  He is very concernd with christmas and new years. I told him that christmas is the time that most of my family drink, so i’ll pretty much have a free rein to do what i want, drink what i want.. so that’ll be interesting. The probation office is closed until the 5th of Jan, so i won’t see him for a few weeks. He’s also concernd with my depression and christmas. He said that its the time when a lot of people, especcially women, get very down. I don’t think he has to worry much atm though, as i’m quite content in myself. I would go as far as saying that i’m happy, and that is saying something! 🙂

I told him what sort of things the psych is getting me to do, like the CBT and stuff. I’m not doing very well with it, i have no idea how people can just change thier way of thinking? its very odd, and extreamly hard. If only there was just a simple pill that would do it for me, i’d be a lot more happier.

I acutally managed to do some cleaning over the past few days, I got a reality check when I seen how many empty liquor bottles were hidden around my room. It was quite shocking. What made it more shocking that that was only from the last month or so. I think I counted something like 5 various sized Vodka bottles, 8 or so different wine bottles, a whole heap of pre-mixed cans and bottlles. Thats just shocking. Unbelievable.. how did i get to this point??? Scary..