So I have been best friends with my best friend since 4th grade. (we’re in 10th grade now). Ever since 4th grade we were talking about going to the same college (my former dream school) and living together and she even said that she will try to go to whatever college I go to. The problem is, the college I want to go to she can’t go to. I have ADHD and the college I want to go to is specifically for people with learning disabilities like ADHD and she doesn’t have one. The price of this school includes counseling, health insurance, primarily free health care, support groups, tutoring, appointments with therapy dogs, and basically every resource you could imagine for my ADHD. It even has really small classes where I could get more individual attention. I really want to go there but I don’t know how to tell her that I won’t be able to go to college with her. She still thinks I plan on going to the same college as her but even if I wanted to go there, it requires a 3.68 gpa which I am nowhere close to. I know I should tell her cause she’s my best friend but I don’t want to hurt her. I know this has been a really tough year for her and I don’t want to make it worse. Any advice on when/how to tell her this? (also she doesn’t know I have ADHD or bad grades either)

  1. itbreee 6 months ago

    Just be honest with her, you guys are growing up and things change. I’m a senior and changed colleges about 3 times before finally settling down. It’s going to be okay and if she is not happy about you going to a college to cater to your ADHD then she isn’t a true friend.

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  2. xoxosunshine 6 months ago

    Thank you for telling us and I’m so glad to meet you! This will sound dismissive but I promise it’s not (What a beautiful dilemma!) I say that because of the deep friendship you share to make life plans together and to see your love and concern for your friend! But YES the worry, fear… and that SNEAKY “shame” trying to come in and make you wear it! DO NOT – you are AMAZING! Bad grades? (a LABEL of STIGMA even some professionals STILL put on our ADHD family but that is NOT YOUR title EITHER!) A grade point average is of a group without ADHD student – its not a fair comparison. Your pace is yours and they don’t outpace you, systems just don’t know how to include the diversity of ALL OF US. You’re BRILLIANT and I’m SO PROUD and excited you’ll get your secondary education from people who get that and got you!!

    Now telling your friend… see how I just “told” you! Breathe, know she loves you and SHE WILL BE BLOWN AWAY. Take your time to relax and be comfortable with your train of thought. When you feel ready its a great idea to start by casual education. Ask – what do you know about ADHD? Feel her response which may be brief and offhanded – she doesn’t know where you’re going. Then give her the basics .. Well it’s (your top descriptive).. NOW… ready? Well bestie guess whose got that? A laugh maybe. Then your LOVE and Bond will seal you all into being even BESTER Friends… I truly believe that. She will be TORN that you guys aren’t going together – JUST AS YOU ARE! But – you both see and will be so happy and proud that you EACH accomplished an AMAZING FEAT! You BOTH qualified and landed DREAM COLLEGES. Your dream of college together wont be in the same physical place, but THIS IS YOUR FRIENDSHIP’S TIME TO SHINE! She will be so proud of you and ASTONISHED how you BLEW the stereotype some have of ADHD – friends since 4th and she HAD NO CLUE! HA. NO ONE has a clue until they read a label. She didn’t read a label first – she sprouted up with the beans in the can! She know you – now she will know you even more awesome than she knew. Years to come, she will be a SUPER STIGMA BUSTER when she hears anyone say a negative about ADHD! lol

    I hope I said nothing to offend and hope I helped you with feeling less anxiety. I hate anxiety – it really get me. See I’m in THAT Group! rotlf

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  3. xoxosunshine 6 months ago

    a quick laugh? ” The problem is, the college I want to go to she can’t go to.” See let that be the confidence you earned!
    That means, “Yeah, she’s not a SUPER ABILITIES maker of DISabilities like I am so she couldn’t get into my spot.. but those non ADHD kids she runs rings around them so she got in good too” (nerdy joke – but yeah you guys are SUPER POWERS – you can’t really go somewhere TOGETHER and make all the other kids look so bad. One Power Twin per Academic region at a time!
    (This post was for me. It got quiet and I felt scared … feel scared someone/thing… looking at my door trying not to stop breathing in terror) ptsd/anxiety – trauma is not logical, but it is) k. bye

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