So the thing with Bipolar is the vicious mood swings I have. When I went off my meds, I  thought I felt fine, however, my husband told me otherwise. I was always arguing with him, so I finally went back on them and I felt great. With the exception of only minor things, I was doing well.

but you see, that's what happens. I started to feel the slip about a week ago, I desperately wanted some percs to stop the physical pain I was feeling but I kind of upset my friend who supplies them, so I didn't get any.

My moods are changing so drastically now. I went from happy, to annoyed, to angry and now disapointment. I drank way too much last night, and the funny thing is I never made a single one myself. My husband made them, for some reason, I had way too many…something I don't usually do…I ended up throwing up, and upsetting my husband at the same time.

My husband and I don 't get along that well. Ever since we got back together a year and a half ago,after a four month split and me seeing someone else. We have had to be high, or drunk to actually spend time together and now that I have decided I don't want to be high or drunk all the time, he and I don't spend time together. Because if we are sober and trying to do something, we argue. I hate arguing with him. 

There is so much that I have done, that I am still too afraid to write about, for fear of being judged. I could probably write about my past…because my husband knows about my past…but

People with bipolar do stupid things. People do stupid things…I DO STUPID THINGS! I don't want a label or an excuse, but when I've lost all my ways to cope…drugs, men, bars, alcohol, ….and now I just stay home with no way to cope…all the crap is building up…I know I will eventually explode,

I know one thing for sure, I'm not drinking tonight. and i will give my kids a fantastic easter, weather my husband and I are getting along or not. They are still my priority…

feels good to vent..just hope I don't get overly judged…


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