just wanted to write a quick blog saying that i deleted several accounts the other nite. i had my reasons for doing it. but if you were on my friends list before and want to add me back, than feel free to do so. i know i kinda let everyone down with the whole skype group thing, but i got a whole hell of alot of people to join skype from these anxiety sites that otherwise wouldve never probably joined. and now theyve formed thier own groups and whatnot. but i just couldnt sustain the group and have been way too busy with my recent move and my depression and other symptoms acting back up really bad lately.

i feel like i am stuck in quicksand and i cant get out. i can barely move and have no motivation whatsoever, and that is bullshit b/c i have plenty to be motivated for. i have goals and i do plan to achieve them. its just that now with me moving from ohio to cali everything is insane. i\'m figthing as hard as i\'ve ever faught to improve myself, the way i react to life\'s issues, to achieve my goals, to stay afloat, etc. i\'ve never tried so hard at anything. i\'m just overwhelmed right now and i dont know what to do. i feel like i am helpless and something terrible is going to happen. and there is nothing i can do about it. i\'ve done nothing the whole time that i\'ve been moved here but take care of things that need to be takin care of, which in turn has proved to be much harder than i thought. just to get my insurance transferred over here and things like that(such as getting into a therapist and psychiatrist to prescribe my meds, and so on) has been so hard and takin months of making countless phonecalls, appointments and so on. i\'ve hit a mercedes and just had so much crazy shit go on since i\'ve been here that its crazy. not too mention that i\'m 29 and this is the first time that i\'ve been on my own. i have lived with friends before, but that was a bunch of shit. there are so many things hitting me at once, and all my issues(major depressive dissorder, anxiety disorders, ocd(which i\'ve just recently found had played a much huger rule in my life than i ever thought) are getting really unbearable. i am determined to accomplish my goals, and i WILL. but its gonna be hard as hell. i am so depressed(mainly at night), that i can sometimes barely even move, i wanna kill myself so bad at times(even tho i would never do it), i have all these obcessive thougths(intrusive) entering my head, and i cant get into a shrink to get my meds changed or adjusted until atleast july 8. and thats a whole nother issue. i\'ve been on atleast 20 + meds(a-d\'s), and i am very sensitive to them(i\'ve always gave them a fair share of time to work but i end up with full body rashes, and things much worse. i\'m trying so hard to work on all my issues and meanwhile maintain my household, and accomplish my goals, and all of these other curve balls keep getting thrown my way. i just dont know what to do some times. but i will never give up and i will always try my best to get or keep the things that i love and want out of life. its just extremely hard and i am losing my mind.

ok, i guess that blog wasnt all that quick.

 

i hope everyone is well

justin

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