It bothers me when my husband reminds me that he wants me to lose my weight.   (10 Ibs)

Why can’t he work on himself? When he is perfect he can talk!

It was very challenging dealing with daughter’s situation.  I did so much to help her out.   Now, I am the bad guy? I remind her of the situation? It was a heartbreaking situation and it broke my heart as well.  I did everything to help!

She acts resentful toward me that she experienced it.

(I am empathetic and feel others pain like is my own.)

It is challenging because once upon a time the person that she was going to marry was like a son to me.  I love him like he was my own adult child.

He made choices.   Daughter asked me if she should still marry him.  I told her that it was her life and her choice.

Then, I was supportive of her choice to not marry him and help tie up the loose ends   It was heartbreaking

My daughter is pleasant and happy around her dad and brothers.  However, she acts annoyed that I exist and I can’t do anything right.

Earlier, she announced that she was going to the store and I wasn’t invited to go with her.  I didn’t even ask!

She is in therapy and does a zoom abuse survivor support group.

I backed her up when she wanted to end the relationship and call off the wedding

I didn’t mistreat or abuse her. He did!

He became emotionally abusive me as well! I thought he cared about me like a mom.   His mom hasn’t been there for him and I was for five years.  I love him like he was one of my sons.  I don’t know why he became cruel and scary.

It is cruel that she is taking it out on me as well. I was supportive and there for her 100 percent!

Thanks for listening! I appreciate it! You made a difference “listening.”

 

4 Comments
  1. Mz_Unda_Std 7 months ago

    It’s tough when you are a giver and unappreciated. Especially when you do everything you can to help adult children. Alot of times you do come out as the bad guy and there may not be a rhyme or reason for it. Your daughter is hurting and sometimes when we are damaged (i am also a domestic violence and childhood sexual abuse survivor) we are scared, ashamed, sad,, drepersssed, angry, etc. We don’t know how to express those feeling especially if we have never experienced them before. I think it will take time for her to see tat she is just lashing out because you have been the closest one to her and maybe she feels like she let you down. I wold encourage you not to press her and gove her space. Try not to take it personally even though its hard. You may also want to go to therapy with her and on your own. Goin through situations like this is easy to get over. You are broken and trying to put back the pieces. I hope she is really open to the process because only then will she see the progress. Hugs to you. If you ever need to talk feel free to message.

    Eve

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  2. Mz_Unda_Std 7 months ago

    Oh and about your weight gain… if you do something about it make sure it is for you and not for someone else. I know that feels as well. Being ill and over weight. I am doing alot better now thankfully and excercise regularly. As I said before it has to come from you and I you wanting it. Don’t ever let anyone convince you that you are less just because you have a few extra pounds you are carrying around. ((((HUGS))))

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    • Author
      lacey7 7 months ago

      Hi!

      Thank you for your sweet understanding words and for explaining where my daughter is coming from with the relationship abuse!

      I tend to only get upset about “the situation” when adult daughter is rude to me and I feel tired!

      Normally, I stand up for myself and tell her to treat me better! I don’t deserve the blame! She will apologize but ends up lashing out at me verbally again later.

      I gained the 10 Ibs from a broken foot and broken ankle injury this summer! I hopped on one foot, crawled, or held the walls in the house and limped. It was horrible! I don’t like crutches so I didn’t use them

      Foot injures are a challenge! I have broken a arm before as a child and it was a slight inconvenience. It healed fast!

      As a adult, healing takes much longer from broken bones!

      It is okay that my husband likes me better at my perfect weight. Who doesn’t want to be a certain flattering weight right.

      Reality is that I didn’t break my ankle and foot on purpose!

      It will take time now that I can walk “normal” and even go up and down stairs verses scooting down to get the weight off!

      Now, I can push a vacuum, walk the dogs, and do the housework. A really good feeling!

      Thanks for responding!

      I would love to hear your story if you want to share it.

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      • Mz_Unda_Std 7 months ago

        Most definitely. Anytime. I actually really like to share my story in hope that it helps people in some way. I also keto chat so there’s also that. Its funny that that is the case because I used to consider myself and introvert. I think I’m more of an ambivert. But what are labels right? Lol

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