I've been struggling with depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, and ADHD basically my whole life. It seems like lately everything has been getting worse and worse.
Not too sure why either, I started working on my PHD in neurobiology/neuroscience at Yale Medical in the fall. I'd say that getting here is quite an accomplishment for me. I shouldn't really care what people say, should I? Most of the people who put me down are stuck in the same ditch they dug 10 years ago.
My Dad throws the biggest problems at me. He doesn't support me getting my education. When I got my acceptance letter from Yale he told me if I wanted to be a part of his family I had to drop out of school and get married and have kids, because thats where women belong. I know I shouldn't let his views bother me, he was raised in that kind of environment. But it still sucks that I don't have the support of my parents.
I haven't talked to my mom in about 7 years, ever since I turned 18 and she could no longer use me to get money from the government. I got a birthday card from her a few years ago, she thought I was still 16. My aunt (her sister) says, "That's just the way she is". Maybe I'm being overly dramatic, but I don't think that's a good enough excuse to abandon your children for drugs. I'm pretty sure if I were to pass her in the street tomorrow, she wouldn't have any idea who I am.
When I was 13 my uncle molested me, I told my parents and they ignored it and still allowed my uncle to visit. When they got fed up with me crying about it, they kicked me out. I was 14 when I was on my own. To this day, no one believes me about it. My dad has even hired shrinks to "change my mind", and now I'm unsure if half of those diagnosis are real.
I've never had friends, all my life people made fun of me for being "that weird kid in the dirty clothes", Even now, at 25, the only friends I feel like I have are people I've met through online computer games. And I'm not even sure they really like me all that much either.
I've never had a serious relationship. I've dated boys and I've dated girls, and I felt no attraction to any of them. Some may say there was just no "spark".
Sometimes I wonder if I would be happier if I had just one friend I could talk to. I've never known that kind of closeness. The closest I've gotten to sharing my secrets with someone is posting this anonymous blog.