Missing my children and husband tonight. Missing my friends. My son is the quarter back of his team this year. He found out tonight and he is thrilled. I cant be there to see him play, I just get to talk with him on the phone and hold my tears until we hang up. He would feel so bad if he heard me cry ( I know from experience).

I miss my friends. They are choosing to leave me and this world early. What will I do when they are gone? What will I do today since I can not reach them? I dont know. I have learned to love them and trust them and lean on them for support. Now I have no one and I find that I have no compass. No way to test out my ideas, no one to bounce them off of. I am in a town where nobody knows me and nobody wants to. I live in a field on someones ranch in a very small rectangle of a shelter. I am far from my children and my husband is too stressed and busy to be of support since I had to leave him with the kids and house. None of that would really matter if I had my friends. I have learned how to cope with my circumstances as long as I had the support of my two friends. I havent had time to heal and while I wasnt coping exellently I WAS coping and I was proud to be doing so. How does one cope with the loss of everything?

I have no idea where to start or what to do. Normally I would vent a little to my friends, listen to them, hear how their days were and I would feel better just for having connected to someone who cared about me as I care about them. I have no such solice available now. What will I do? What can I do?


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