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I used to enjoy everything in Life. I used to enjoy being me. But now, all of that has changed.

Three years ago, I began having Depression. When it first began, I was suicidal, but now I just cut myself to keep my mind off of it.

I feel depressed 24/7. Like I’m trapped in this dark hole, and I cannot get out. I call out for help, but no one hears me. There are others in the hole with me, others I try to help because I know how they feel, but what good can I do when I’m going through the same thing? Sometimes I feel like the world would be better off without me, but I stay, because of those few who try and comfort me, and say they want me.

I’ve lost interest in everything I used to love doing, art, journaling, being outside, and other things. But now, darkness covers them.

I am Two Face, when no one is looking, I hide inside with my blade and cut my arm, I am depressed and saddened. But when everyone is looking, I put on a smile, and laugh, and act different than what I feel. I’m always changing from one face to the other, trying to please others around me, but then destroying myself when no one is there.

I am depressed, weak, stupid, and alone

I feel alone in this world, even though others may go through what I am going through, it still feels like a lonely road, that goes on forever, and never ends. Where darkness surrounds all sides, and no one can hear my cries for help. Where I sit alone, and cry, and the tears burn my arm. I do not care, I embrace the pain, and let it surround me. For that is the only thing, keeping me alive

2 Comments
  1. lostchweey 3 years ago

    Hi,

    I have been there and I know exactly what you are going through. Many years ago, I remember sitting in a room all by myself with a note to my family and friends. I remember the feeling of wanting to end it all. I was weak, stupid and alone. My life didn’t matter but i don’t know why or how. All of sudden i remembered my distance cousin who committed suicide many years ago. The pain he left behind for his parents, sister and friends is still felt today. The pain is too real and I see that you have people that care about you. Please don’t do it. I couldn’t bear the thought of my parents and brother living with the pain.

    It get better. time does heal but our demons will never leave us. You can learn to leave them at bay. Go and seek help. Talk to people. I hope you will be well soon.

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    1 kudos

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