I know it has been a while since I have been on here well my life has really gone down hill since I last left a blog and today I just needed to talk to someone I feel all alone in this big place well since I was last on I spent some time in the hospital oh I guess about a week of that and I know I will never go back there again then I wound up quitting my job within a few days of getting out and I just do not know why and my hubby got really upset because then that he would have to get off his a** and get a job he never worked while we where together so what does he do but starts hauling junk metals to be recycled to the scrap yard well it's something and then he started to bitching that he had to support me and my 4 kids lol so he started to drink like a fish and he said that was so he would not have to deal with me and the kids the other night I tought I would start writting about my feelings down and I do not know what came over me but my writting turned into a suicide note to my kids so he has know left me and moved all his things and all these bills and me not working and I still feel I can not go back to work yet and I do not know what and where to turn I have no family and my so called friends are not there anymore I think cause they do not know what to do for me and  I cry everyday know for sometime and I'm scared well well thanks for listening Donnarae