we met two years ago but our friendship began last August when he had a by pass. he is a wonderful person. always positive and always smiling. he never loses his temper and is always full of cheer. he never indicated that he had any kind of problem until around 3 months back. we became close after his by pass and would sit together many evenings. he is a very good singer and i would sit with my six strings and have a lovely time. slowly i noticed the change in him. he wouldnt tell me anything and his mood swings frustrated me. one day he took me to confidence and told me about his ailment. i didnt actually know much about clinical depression so i didnt know how to react. but it didn't seem earth shattering to me until i looked it up on the net. i was devastated. he said he was going through this for the last 20 years. bi polar depression. i couldnt believe my years. how could someone go through this private hell and still keep performing exeptionally day after day? my respect for him on increased. what an amazing man. why did such a wonderful person have to go through such a horrible condition? it never seemed fair. he did not want to reveal his condition to anyone except his family and me. so i decided that being his friend, i need to see him through come what may. i tried. he was my first priority. i tried to stay with him as much as i could. but he was worsening. at office he was scared of his work. his self confidence hit rock bottom. and of all things his crying broke my heart. it almost seemed that he gave up. and maybe he did. he told me that this was the worst attack ever. he wouldnt wake up if he slept. his walk changed, he was unsure of his stepping. his head was bent. his face was swollen. he was putting on weight. the look in his eyes broke me. his eyes were full of pain, despair and fear. i knew it was beyond me now. he needed medical help and a change. so i suggested he take a break and so he did. i thought when he returned he would be better. but now he is back and he is not improved. he had changed medicines but now even after 16 days there hasnt been any change. but now he is different. he is alright after he leaves his office. not fully but he is fighting it. smiling and laughing. but in the morning at his office he loses his confidence. he is afraid. one day he even thought he would die. that is how bad his condition is. i try everything i talk to him, i pray desperately but nothing seems to work. in the evenings he seems to get better. i go bed desperately hoping for a new dawn but but it doesn't happen. yes i dont give up easy but since a couple of days i am losing my confidence and doubting myself. am i doing right? am i in some unknown way actually worsening his condition. i dont know. he calls me when he is down so i know he is reaching out for me. he believes me. i hope i dont let him down. i am myself getting depressed. but whatever happens even at the cost of my getting depressed, i need to see him through. a wonderful person like him should not suffer for so long. so please help me someone.

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