I love my best friend to death, I really do, but lately it has been… tiring. She freaks out about everything and anything. She has been with her boyfriend for one year and a month by now, but still question every inch of love he has for her even though he has proved it multiple times too many.
Her mother had been sexually assaulted by her own father, my best friend's grandfather. I was sexually assaulted by an ex-friend of my brother's, so I know how it is. She freaking pisses me off about all of this.
I get it, she is very insecure, I understand. Except, every single day she is worrying her own mind about something and puts herself down because she keeps overthinking everything. Now, I know sometimes this cannot be helped, but for her, it does not happen automatically. I have seen her do this to herself so many times before and it gets frustrating.
With her mom, she sees one picture of her grandfather and she starts crying even though her grandfather died before she was born. I understand, it is hard because her mother had something so tragic happen to her, I know. I do.
Everyday, there is something wrong. She always brings up the fact her mother was sexually assaulted and how she would stop doing what she was doing and just cry for hours because of it. Take it from my own point of view, I hate it when people do such things after a while. She even acts as if her mother was the only one in the world who was, so everything is much more worse than it is. Plus, here I am, someone who was also sexually assaulted and hearing her rant about all of this.
With her boyfriend, they had broken up once before about a year and a half ago. He ended up dating a girl a few months afterwards she broke up with him and she started to befriend his girlfriend at the time. She'd tell me his girlfriend would call her fat, ugly, awfully tasted, etc. I am not going to lie, his ex-girlfriend is a pretty bad person, but my friend keeps throwing this into her boyfriend's face.
Every time they get in a fight, she brings it up. "You'll never understand how bad it felt seeing the love of your life with someone else and befriending their girlfriend who would put you down all the time. Dealing and battling the urge to kill yourself because you think you'll never get him back and he's happy with someone other than you."
Not just that, but how bad she feels about herself every. Single. Night. Throws it in his face on how much she hates herself and how she thinks she's ugly, not good enough for him, that he should go find someone much better.
Usually he would be reassuring and such, but the last few times, he has not been. She wonders why, but I know why. He is getting tired of having to reassure her every second of the day that she is everything to him. I would not blame him, I am getting tired of having to reassure her that he does love her completely. He does.
She freaks out about one little thing that can be taken care of in only a second. Last night, she had gotten into another argument with her boyfriend, saying all the usual things about her being ugly, her mother, the feeling of seeing him with her enemy, etc. She let me read the texts. There were at least eight text messages from him reading that he was in love with her, that nothing could make him think differently. One after another, she kept trying to prove him wrong and challenge him, then wonders why he does not help her much anymore. She had messaged me, saying that she was freaking out because he was not answering her after 2 minutes of waiting. I had fallen asleep so I did not answer, but about 3 minutes later after she sent me that, she had messaged me again. This time, saying that everything was fine and he had responded. -.-
It is just tiring after a while. I know I am so blunt and ruthless in this blog, which is highly unlike me, but it is the same thing over and over again with no changes. I will still be there for her and love her like a sister, but I am going to let her fight her own battles for now. She needs to learn that is how the real world is going to be.