I've been thinking so much about my life lately,how things have been going and so on..
Well,last year I moved to a new place because of college and I was hopeful that things would go better for me.So,when moving here I decided that I would try to do something and not isolate myself as I had been doing before.
I joined the student radio and worked as an volounteer at the student pub(still work there),and that went ok or I wasen't the most social person but all in all it went ok.
I also found out last year that there were something called social anxiety,and then things became clear to me..It all fitted me..
Then earlier this year I met my boyfriend.I was at a concert and he was too.I liked him right away when he came up to me,and we started to hang out.I developed deep feelings for him,and I feel that it is so easy talking to him about things..I care so much about him and I'm hoping that we can have a future together..
Anyway,I lived in a dorm last year,but wanted to find something by myself.So,I moved into a small appartment by myself early in the summer.I was so happy having something just by myself.
The summer was nice..I worked while living with my parents and my boyfriend came down and stayed with me while my parents were on a holiday.It was so great!
After the summer was over I went back here and back to college..Everything was ok,but after a while I started isolating myself and almost never going out and only spending time with my boyfriend.
I skipped classes and procrastinated schoolwork,and got really depressed for a while.I took this out on my boyfriend.Being bitchy and saying mean things to him.I saw that I hurt him,I could see it in his eyes.He started wondering why I was like that,if it was his fault,and one day I had the guts, I told him about SA and me being depressed.
He was so great and understanding,and told me that he has SA too and was depressed before.He also thought that it was great that I told him about everything so that he could understand why I was acting the way that I do.Fuck,I am so lucky to have him..
At one point I got so fed up with everything,and wrote an e-mail about my problems to the school conselour.I went to see her,and she thought that it would be a good idea if I start seeing a theraphist.I want to give it a try and I'm seeing my theraphist the 30th october..I don't expect this to be an magical cure or anything,but I'll have to give it a go..
I'm also thinking about moving again because well my fiances have been going downhill after moving in here,and thats not really helping my mood or anything..