So I went to work today to help out for a couple hours, and I remembered that there was a walgreens across the street from work. So on my way home I picked up a pregnancy test, (Don't know if you read in my last blog; but I am a couple weeks late, man is out of town for the week, and I was kind of ecited about the possiblility of having a baby.)

Well as you can assume from the title of this blog, it was negative….

I am really bummed out about it. I mean, I understand that it just means that it's not the right time. And my time will come. and One day I will make a great mother… Blahblahblahblah….

But…Fuck!

I was so excited I couldn't even sleep last night! I was smiling so big I thought my face was going to fall off! I have been in a little depression slump for the last week due to a severe anxiety attack last Saturday, and just have been feeling down since then. But thinking of having a child of my own was the only thing that made me smile. And with the biggest smile I have ever had!

I'm almost even mad about it. Mostly mad at myself. For getting my hopes up so high for something that didn't exsist. I hate myself for doing that.

And now I could use a drink more than anything. I want to get shitfaced-hammered. But I am trying my best to hold back. I want to at least make it a week before falling off the wagon again. Sunday will be a week. I pray that I can make it till then….

On the other hand, none of this explains why I am super late with my period???

I don't know, maybe it was the anxiety attack, or the fact that I am not used to going to bed alone?

We'll see if maybe I start once he comes home sunday night?

4 Comments
  1. Aswa 8 years ago

    Hiya. I would suggest you don't imbibe at least until your period arrives – whatever the reason. Don't let the disappointment of a negative result start you down any slippery slopes.

    If it is over 3 weeks late go to your gp and have a blood test. Some women have very low levels of the pregnancy hormone those test kits are designed to detect. I know I did – I was 17 weeks before I was confirmed as pregnant.

    There are many different possibile reasons for a late period – some physical and some emotional; stress is a major player  – so just look forward to seeing your man on Sunday night and look after yourself.

    Aswa

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  2. MisanthropicDame 8 years ago

    Thank you! Thats so sweet of you to say! And you're right I should just look forward to seeing him come home, instead of mopping about. What did you mean when you said imbibe?

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  3. Aswa 8 years ago

    imbibe = take in any substances; to drink alcohol particularly…

    cause you just never know…

    i'm recommending that you don't get shit faced hammered 🙂

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  4. MisanthropicDame 8 years ago

    LOL Oh okay, yeah so far I am doing good. And I read the tests instruction papers and it says to do it in the morning and to not drink a lot of fluids. I did it after work, (630PM) And at work I drink a ton of water because it's hot in there (I'm a cook and it's about summer time in AZ LOL) So maybe it was inconclusive? I'm going to wait till my guy comes home to try again, so that he can be here for me.

    Thanks again for your kind words and help!

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