Doing my studies for psychology class, I was researching websites and articles on OCD and they lead me here. I remember many of the symptoms of OCD as a child. Counting my toys and lining them up. Alphabetizing books and movies. I wouldn't let any other kids or even my parents into my little world for fear that they would mess it up. I have always had those intrusive visions of horrific scenes, stabbing my cat or driving into cars or motorcycles and they always frightened me and made me feel like there was something wrong with me. I say I am high functioning because I have learned to deal with OCD on my own. I used to be a lot worse but there are still some things that I feel I cannot control and I have to let myself do them. I check doors,lights,appliances. I have horrible fears of fires and carbon monoxide so I stay awake worrying that I didn't check things enough times. I fear choking to death, so I chew the same number of times and for the longest time I could not swallow pills. As a child, I had this weird, wild fear of choking to death on a loose tooth. If my tooth was loose, I stayed up all night to make sure I didn't die in my sleep. I fear my children dying in weird ways. I listen to my son's heartbeat at night, listening for murmurs. I used to watch my daughter breathe while sleeping to make sure she didn't have sleep apnea (which actually she did by the way). I can still go about most of my business normally. I just do so in a way that makes me feel more comfortable and know that I sometimes just need to do it despite the anxiety. I chose OCD for my research paper because I know that understanding yourself better can help to alleviate some issues. I no longer think that I am a freak and I now know why my father and I were so alike, lol. My research lead me from nowhere to now here.


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