This is my first blog, and, to be honest, I’m terrified to start.

I’m a person who is almost always in touch with their emotions, so you can imagine if someone says anything in particular that may hurt my feelings, my entire disposition changes.

This is my senior year in high school, and I’m in the process of applying to colleges and trying to upkeep my grades at the same time. It is so tiring. I’m not doing terribly, but for a pretty good student, this year is hitting me harder than usual. And what’s worse is that I thought I was going to be taking classes this year that I acutally looked forward to. They’re actually really hard and I’m only enjoying 1 or 2. The rest I just find myself going through the motions.

My relationship with my parents has also been depleting exponentially as well. My mom used to be my biggest supporter and my best friend, and now she’s a literal stranger. She won’t talk to me, and is being so childish by slamming doors loudly and being blatantly rude to me. I try to keep my attitude up around her, but she somehow finds a way to bring it back in the pits of hell. In the past week, she has called me lazy, pathetic, and dumb. I’m beginning to believe her at this point.

The issue I seem to have with her is that I think she thinks I don’t listen to her, but it usually, if not always, is a misunderstanding and she interprets it the way she sees things and doesn’t give me an opportunity to explain. On top of all of this, she thinks that taking my devices will help her case. She’s so overprotective of me and expects me to answer whenever she calls, but then takes my phone and continues to get mad. There are times where I would hope I would get kidnapped so she could realize that I need at LEAST minimal social contact.

In reference to my dad, I don’t think there was a time other than when I was a very young child that we were close. There are so many things my dad does (like leaving me alone at the house without telling me and not engaging conversation with me whenever he returns) that makes me not want to be close with him at all. That is not to say I am not grateful for everything both my mom and dad have done for me, but it’s disheartening when they tell you that they love you and will be there for you no matter what and they do things like this.

I feel like I’m overreacting and being a brat, but I also think that, under all the expectations my parents have and the person they want me to be, there’s an actual personality underneath. I can interact with her, but I’m not her fully yet. I want to be her so desperately, but now I guess isn’t the time.

I know that didn’t really make much sense, but that’s mostly it about my issues. There are more, but I’ll try to spread them out lmao. Thanks for reading I guess.