I saw my CPN on Tuesday, she was really nice, once again she talked about how I needed to trust her, she said that she trusts me, but … I don’t know.
I said to her, that i find it hard to trust, I know she is there to help me, but when i have to sit and spill all my darkest secrets to her and she tells me nothing in return, its hardly a mutual thing. I accidentally called her a stupid woman during my rant, but she laughed… luckily.
Today I went to see my doctor to get my prescription. I also asked to see a nurse as I had put my hand through a window and it was cut up and needed a bandage and the receptionist kept asking me all these questions about self harm infront of others, so I told her that I would go elsewhere. Great support from the doctors as usual.
Ended up at some walk in centre and they stitched me up and got me sorted, only now they are forwarding things to my CPN and I really can’t be doing with it.
During my session I stold my CPN that I felt like a child, so immature and moody and sulky and I am 22 but look about 18 and it really bothers me, I just want to feel like an adult, like i fit in with my peers, but I don’t, and to make things worse, she has suggested that next week we draw instead of talking. She said she doesn’t know how to reach out to me, and thinks it will be a good idea. She wants me to draw things from my life… what, like abuse, rape and hurt. I don’t think so and drawing will make me feel even more childish. Uuuh, im confused