17 weeks pregnant and baby's fine. The baby should now be almost five inches long and weigh about three and a half ounces. The doctor said he was happy with my weight gain for a change. Usually I gain between 10 and 15 pounds by this point and he threatens me with a diet but I've only gained two and a half.  That's when I started crying and couldn't stop. I usually have a morning cry and I had done my best to keep my thoughts away while I was out and about but when I had to explain that I wasn't able to eat and sleep properly for a month and that's why I wasn't blimpy it reminded me of my troubles and I couldn't hold it in.  He asked what was wrong and I told him it was only marital problems and I started getting really bad. He said if I was that bad off we had to get me some help and he got his nurses to start looking for numbers of doctors. The next few weeks of pregnancy are important ones to keep stress low and I went into labor at twenty weeks before and lost a baby.  With my history of preterm labor in a couple of my pregancies and plancental detachment both me and "little no-name" are at risk.  I'm trying so hard to beat my demons but I'm losing.  I've been choking up at work a lot lately but I've never lost control of my tears like that before.  I cried on the way out, through the building, the drive home and for an hour after.  I don't know how to keep myself together anymore.  It's disappointing to think that I've been therapy free and able to manage myself for twelve years and now I can't do it on my own.  Not that help is a bad thing, it's just that I wind up being a lab rat for every medication they can throw at me.  At least being pregnant they'll have to stick to counseling.


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