i doubt anyones reached the depths of loneliness i have.Im not very good at expressing myself to healh proffessionals. It because i seem to be fine to everyone i speak to but thats because im trying to be good company to make friends so they think im fine. Im still not getting the help i need, whatever that would be and i have no one at all. Ruined my sleeping pattern that iv worked so hard for because went to sleep after last blog, i think about 5pm and woke up now when im meant to be going to sleep. I don't know how normal people make friends but i need them because i can't stand this feeling. Its like im staring at a wall, or something around the house and my brain needs life for something to do but i cant give it because i cant get it. My brain needs to learn how to socialise and emotional support but theres no one i can get that off. My family dont provide that kind of thing at the moment and i have no friends. So because i cant stand the absolute blankness i just need to be unconcious so i have to go to sleep. Social inability is like being terminally ill/ severely physically disabled, except you have no one there to care for you. Usually these people are isolated from socialising and are stuck in the house etc. This is the same torment. And then you see its a beautiful sunny day and you see people outside with friends and family and in love and makig new friends and its cruel that society even lets people take this for granted. They should be taught about it in schools. How can i not be envious? They're free, just like a disabled person cant do their own life, its the same for me. I may as well not be able to speak, but hope that doesnt happen aswell or im fkd!

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