Hi all. Havnt been here in a while. Here's what drove me back. I walked out of a job a few years back and slumed around in alcohol and psych wards for some time before being placed in a program in this strange city Battle Creek MI. Im fricken new to urban survival but it was a year long residential plan. Been out and living in one of their houses for 6 months. This is good but.. im not sure. I feel like the placebo has worn off. My job is destroying my wrists (so im quitting soon to find work in art like airbrushing or illustrating, im good at it), my roommate is a crackhead thief, other friends seem to be hustling me for “sweet airbrushed t shirts”bla bla me. I was always a loner and was trying to work on this a little but people just plain suuck. Know what i mean? This city sucks.. well i like public transport at least. All in all i've been working hard at taking steps foreward and now i got hit with two steps back. And now i think im in a trap. The only people i know are from this program or from the factory where i work. I want to get something going with my art skills and everyone expects me to do something for them. A guy who was cool while in the program wants a shirt, i came up with a cool idea and gave him a huge discount. He just takes off with this idea that this is the agreed apon cost from here on and wants 3 shirts not 1. Everyone is always pushing everything all the time. All of my “friends” are fake. Yes i have trouble saying no amd asserting myself, but i actually felt safe from this for a while. Its deeper than just that stuff. Its not like i had big expectations. I am leary of opening up to hope because i cant survive much more betrayal. What kills me is that this was like a co ordinated attack. Im one of the best artists around. Everyone agrees. I put all my money into tools and supplies so that i could one day get out of the factory an persue my dream. Now that the time is near i feel like someone who has won the lottery. All the hands start coming out. I recognize thi is just human nature and my own ego has played a part in it but im still fighting with the bitterness. I want to go home now but this is the only home i have.