As ever, I am alone this evening. I see my face in the mirror and it's creased up with worry lines – so demoralising. I have been consistent so far in taking my tablets, and my parents are helping me to remember, so I have managed to do it 3 days running. Just desperate to get to the 3 week mark and feel better. Then I can really start to tackle everything else. I've been so dismissive of anti-depressants until now, for many reasons, but I am at my wits end.

  day to day-wise… my job is going well. I work in sales and tho I didnt sell much today, I had alot of very happy customers shaking my hand and complimenting me – it's nice to know that you have made someone else feel alittle happier, especially if it's through something you have to do.

   My gorgeous dr came into work today. It's such a cliche to find your dr attractive, but he's irish, good looking and has the most gorgeous eyes I've evr seen! lol. He asked me where I worked yesterday, and today turned up at work and came straight to me. He smiled and winked as he left, too. But he has a wedding band, and unless he's a widower there really can't be any good to come of it. But I'm usually a v good judge of character (I've only fallen flat when I have doubted my judgement), so maybe… anyway, it is by no means on my priority list. Right now I am trying to think of him as eye-candy – something which honestly I have never done before. But He put a big smile on my face for an hour after he left, so there can be no harm in that!