I'm not an addict myself. I hope it's ok for me to be here. I am struggling with my baby brother's addiction. It has landed him in jail twice now. The first time was just over night. This time, we don't know how long it will be. I see him every weekend and he calls sometimes and writes me a lot and it's so good to hear from him and to know he has been clean 4 weeks now, since there's no drugs in jail. But, at the same time, his letters horrify me. Tonight, he wrote that one of his cell mates snapped and beat the crap out of the other. At first, I thought of it as just a light hearted letter but then I started to freak out. What if he had been the one to get beat up? He writes about being hungry all the time, and that breaks my heart. Mostly, he talks about wanting to get out and move on but, I don't want him to get out. It sounds horrible, but if he's out, he can use. If he's in, he's a little hungry and might get punched by another inmate. But he's relatively healthy. My relationship with my brother has improved so much since he went in. He's like the friend he was before he started using.

I'm also scared, because I'm starting to second guess myself. I'm on prescription anti anxiety meds and, I need them. I'm scared of becoming an addict myself. I didn't take 2 today, just one and i'm freaking out. His problems started with vicodin. What if mine are starting with xanax?

It's hard to find people to have a serious conversation about this with. When I tell someone my brother is in jail and why, the usual response was, "Well that was dumb." Then I feel awkward and make jokes instead of getting out what I really want to say. How i'm scared of what lies ahead for my fragile family. That my brothers current desires to get clean might disappear when he gets his freedom back.

I know theres hope. We met a woman who is 15 years clean at visitation last week. But she was there visiting her daughter, in for drug charges. Kind of blows the hope.

2 Comments
  1. subz5years 8 years ago

    Hello I can relate.I am a pain pill addict or was for 12 years. I do take suboxone to keep me from going back.what I wanted to tell you is not to feel bad that you would rather him be there.my brother and sisters mom dad all said .but all addisame thing.and the food thing they get enough nutrition wise.also I wanted you to be on lookout for addict con.in there he is going to tell you things looked its time to change, I'm done. Or if I get out I will go to rehab, and n.a. .oh yea I've. Used it all and went right back.now I don't. Know ithere situation but all addicts manipulate well,so just be forearmed.about ur chance of being addict.take meds as prescribed and only if you need it and you will be fine.oh also I'm not saying don't support this person but use tough love,and as far as fights I been in jail plenty and as long as you mind business you are fine.so relax it will be fine

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  2. nikkilee 8 years ago

     Wow this tory reallt touched me. I am an addict and I had an issue is pain killers as well. The man I love has also been in jail a year and I know the feeling you are having. I understand that you dont want him to get out bc you love him and he is protected in jail….but the scary thing is there are so many drugs in jail and I hope that your brother isnt useing at all. The thing will us addicts is we really have to hit the bottom and we have to want it BAD!!! to get clan I mean. You seem like a really great person in a really shitty place but dont question your self about your own meds…I too have issues with depression and anxity I abused my meds bc I made the choice too…I dont take them any more bc I am on suboxone whitch helps me stay away from pills. being addicted is hard and its something that stays with you 4ever…you cant change your bother but I know from experiance that my family had to cut me off before I could get clean I had nobody and nothing….and then one day I went to a doctor got help and moved on. Help is out there, stay strong 🙂

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