Not so good of a day. Went out drinking again instead of class. Didn’t ring the alcohol councellors that my P.O insist’s me contacting. I’ll do that Tomorrow or Friday.
Had a bit of a moment before. Some bad triggers. I was about to get something to drink, but instead I chilled out and uploaded some music onto my itunes. I’m happy that I didn’t drink… I still want it though. So badly. I’m very much doubt that at one point tonight, I will grab one of the few bottles I have here. I’m such a headcase.
How do I help someone with issues, if they’re issues are so close to mine, but I can’t talk about mine, and it triggers me? what do I do.. I’m ashamed to say that I ran away. Thats what I do. I’m good at that.
I was telling my P.O yesterday that I really miss driving. I would go for drives. Long drives, and use that time to clear my head. That was my escape. I knew that no matter what, I have my car, and I have the freedom to go anywhere I want, and thats what I did. If I was stressed out, I’d grab my Ipod, and my bag, and drive. I wouldn’t know where, just drive, for hours.. end up in a town I have never visited before, in the opposite end of the state. I loved that. I miss that so much. I feel so chained to the ground. I have no freedom and I hate that. I know its my own fault for DUI, and I deserve the punishment and all that, but I really miss driving. I don’t know how long i’m Igoing to be able to go on without my freedom. I feel like i’m going stir crazy just from the lack of freedom. I still have at least wow.. like two years or something. It never ends. I hate my life.