so my husband said he wanted a divorce. he said that the more he stayed with me the more he realized how i used to treat him and he was done.

I dont understand because I have changed and I had gone to therapy and I was working on my appearance. i know maybe some of my off days may have been too much but not enough to release the spue of hatred and disgust toward me that he portrayed.

I dont understand because we were doing so good and this last month just changed all of a sudden. He started pushing away like i said in my other blogs. Its all my fault I'm such a fuck up. I dont know if he wants to get back with me. I was so upset that I up and wisked the kids away and drove over 12hours back home. I was super hard on me I was just so upset. I figured he wanted us go right then and there after he had said how much he didnt want to be with me. I stayed up that night and packed slept for 3 hours woke up finished packing and left before 12 am the next day.

It all started when I sat down to talk to him. I knew he was pulling away from me. obviously when he was ignoring me not being intimate and just distant in general. I asked him what was wrong, if he would go to Marriage counseling with me. He response was I am not going because the are going to tell me how fucked up I am and that I need to change, so no i'm not going to go to marriage counseling with you. That right there was hurtful to me. But then he brought up so much about the past how I used to be and how much he hated it and how much he doesnt care anymore. There was just disgust and hate in his voice and he wouldnt even look at me.

this was saturday night. now he says that he wants to give me a true answer tomorrow without emotions based. I want to believe that he will say he's sorry. That me and the kids can come home and we will work on it and be a family again. that we will last and make the move together to Hawaii and not leave us behind. I want us to have our new beginning in a new place and live out the life we were meant to have.

I thought we were doing so good. I knew it was too good to be true. but please God say he will take us back. that he still loves me. that he's sorry .that we will last.

I dont want to lose him. I was so stupid before. So stupid and I have changed. I want him. I want our family however disfunctional it may be. I want that so bad. i want that life with him. I just want to be loved with his arms around me so much i'm breaking right now and only he can put the pieces back together. Please God let him say we can come home