The saga continues, Dan didn't call again today to let me no he wasn't coming I finally talked to him around 8 pm, he wasn't very nice, I was, Yep, I'm an idoit ! It's offical I should change my name to treat me bad, lol, maybe I'll go get a tatoo that says so. I'm sad at the events of my heart, never to recover, I'm certain of it, I never have a moment to rest. Dan had my electricity turned on for me and now I'm always afraid of being sent back onto the dungeon, its all life threatening, living this way, still no help, no income, no medical help, no anything. I often wonder how much a person can take until its to much, I feel on the brink always.

I've come to realize happy feelings are a cruel joke as they don't last. My heart is so heavy.

On top of evrything else I heard from Diane, yep I couldn't belive it either !!! I started crying and Dan didn't offer to comfort me or hold me or anything, he just told me what I should say in responce, like I'd listen to him on any relationship advive knowing how he treats me, PLEASE, REALLY? I still haven't responed, she blamed me for the tradgey, like I was the one who commited the offenses that caused the situation. I'd liken to slap the fucking shit out of them all, Dammit now I'm crying again.

Make it so noted that I will apologize for my cussing to those whom I may offend, but thank you all for letting me cuss, Dan doesn't like cussing so I haven't been which is good. If i cuss I guess I'll go into the attic and cuss for 20 minutes till I get it out, lol.

I feel as though I'm being ripped apart by life, like its a mad animal ripping me to shreds. My wounds are deep, maybe I'll live or eventually bleed to death either way its a long slow agonizing death as a wouned,battered poverty stricken, lost, hopeless soul. back into the hole, back into the dungeon, its only a matter of time, I'm doomed no matter what.

I've started to think its certainly me, I must really be a horrible soul, and the tears flow. I cannot convence myself that the world has a place for myhorrible soul, and the tears flow, I cannot convince myself that there's any life here for me, nor do I have the ability to reason with this, and the tears flow, I'm no longer a free soul and the tears flow, I'm falling into the hole, torn clothes, holes in my flesh made by daggers thrown by the love of others and my tears flow……..