I haven’t written my blog in a long time. First it was I forgot, and then I wasn’t in the mood. Then too depressed, too happy to bring my mood down… I forgot my login at one point… Now I just- Want to write. I feel like no one listens or even wants to start to listen to how I feel anymore. Today started out crappy.  I woke up and my daily ride is my cousin and I told her to text me when she left her house around the block so that I could come outside instead of waiting in the cold. Then she gave me crap for complaining that we were late to school because of her, and told me that I make them late cause I can barely wake up in the morning(major sleeping problems) and that I can just walk. The driver, her mom’s baby daddy apologized, said she was grouchy today. Doesn’t make anything better though, does it? So I was late, spent all 3rd period in my Study Hall trying to write an essay that was completely planned, but words never touched the page. In Advisory, a short period between classes, I read fan fiction, bored. Then 1st period, Hip Hop, was really fun. I got out of my head, but there was one problem. A BIG one. My best friend, Christian, as of late was in a relationship for a few months. The girl caused a lot of drama, and chaos, but she seemed to want to be my friend. We called, texted, and anytime she was upset she texted me and I would skip out of class to go meet up and talk. I didn’t really like her per say, but I wanted things to go smoothly for us for Christian’s sake. He’d told me in the beginning, and near the end of the relationship that he would never choose her over me… I didn’t want to have to make him make that choice. I want him to be happy. That’s all I want… And it’s not like I talked to her out of spite or anything, I really am just that kind of person who feels they have to help. No matter who it is, I feel like if I can help in any way, then why shouldn’t I? But every new week, a new scandal that she was in some way unfaithful. Every, single, week. Over the beginning of the school year so far, I’d felt she’d been getting too clingy, and a bit jealous. Until one day, she walked up to me in Hip Hop and asked me to stay away from Christian. I asked why, and she said that he wasn’t in a very good mood that day. But he wasn’t, I had just been talking to him, horsing around like silly 1st graders joking and having fun. I told her ‘no thanks’, and she asked me to forget we’d ever had the conversation, and to not tell him. But he is my best friend, and she was a newcomer, and I didn’t owe anything to her. And I pride myself on being honest. I told him, and he said he’d break up with her. Three days later, no breakup, but a lot of fights. When he finally broke up with her, she texted me, telling me she had never liked me, and had only tolerated me because of Christian. I’m not a person for drama, I disregarded the conversation. I was upset, and I did show Christian. But then she texted me again. One of the fights leading up to the breakup was her confronting Christian, telling him that she thought I’d liked him. I know she was only desperate to keep him when she said it, but in some ways it is true. I’ve been through so much, and he’s the only one to have ever stood by me through it all. Before their relationship, during, and after, everyone would tell us we’d be such a cute couple, that we’d be so compatible, and I honestly believe them. She assumed, but she knows nothing, because I would never say anything. I’ve been hurt way too many times. Christian knows that. If, or when, I ever put my heart out there again, it would’ve been too later to get a catch like him. So… They broke up. A couple weeks later now, and I’ve just found out that they’re back together. I can’t stand her after what happened. I haven’t spoken a single word to her, and I honestly think she’s twisted like a pretzel if she can ever think I’d talk to her after she faked an entire friendship, going past school and Christian, crying fake tears… I just can’t go there. At least, not right now. I told Christian this and he respects my decision, and he knows I’m right that she’ll in some way break his heart again. But he’s stuck in his feelings for her. She’s toxic though, and I worry. He texted me, telling me that she has asked that we ‘plan’ time with him, so that we get equal time. I told him, that he is not a child, that this is not a divorce, and that the idea of ‘planning visitation time’ between me, his best friend, and her, his girlfriend is a useless situation going nowhere. He won’t reply to me now, and I hope I didn’t overstep, but in the end, I don’t feel bad. I know what I said is true, deep down, he knows it, and I’m sorry that I’m making him choose, but I can’t watch him get hurt again. I cannot get hurt again like that. Me and him are about to graduate high school. She’ll still be a sophomore. He admits they’re probably going to split in June. I just don’t see why he tortures himself. Especially when his family hates her, his friends, and everyone in this town for her hostile behavior.


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