Everyone is gone in the house except for me and my boyfriend's brother. Last night me, my boyfriend and his brother stayed up until about 5am, at first we were just messing around, then at about 1am we started playing monopoly. This morning my boyfriend woke up late for work (he had to go in at 10am today and I woke him up at 8am, but he fell back asleep, and so did I). So he got dressed and asked me to get the mustard stain out of his pants…he got that stain almost a week ago, and now he's asking me to get it out. He didn't even try to get it out before, but whatever. So I tried getting the stain out but I couldn't so I just gave him back the pants. He responded with "The stain is still there, that's why you need to double check things." I got angry and told him that was the best I could do since the stain is a week old and the pants are khaki so I can't use bleach.
So I went and took a shower and I realized something about something we talked about last night. Last night he said that I emotional and mentally abused my ex boyfriends and that's why they kept coming back to me, and I told him that I didn't do that, what I did I guess can be seen as a form of enabling because as long as they made me happy then whatever they wanted (within reason) I'd make sure they had it. If they wanted homemade chocolate chip cookies, I'd make them a whole plate. If they had a favorite dinner then I'd learn how to cook it, or I'd find a place that makes that dish really good and take them there for a special occassion. If they enjoyed doing something then I'd show an interest and get them things for it. And whenever they had tough times I'd sit there and listen and be understanding and try to make things better.
But all of my exs (except for one) cheated on me and then left me. Then within 2 weeks they'd come back to me begging me to take them back. Honestly, I know that I have problems, I know that some of my problems are things that alot of people either can't handle or don't want to handle. And whenever I got dumped most of them said "You're a bitch, it's over." And most of them gave the reasons why; I get angry whenever they don't do something I like or that I'm always expecting too much from them or my favorite "It's not you, it's me, I just can't keep up with you."
The thing is…I think anger is an appropriate response when the guy you're with cheats on you. And getting a bit upset in my eyes is ok when he says "Hey, this weekend I have a suprise for you, don't make any plans." Then the weekend goes by without even a phone call and when I finally get a hold of them they talk about how they went to the beach, or the mountains or another city. And honestly, after the second time it happens, I'm gonna get mad, because the way I see, it he doesn't care or even respect me enough to even call me and tell me that plans have changed. Because I have a life too, if they're off living their life and having fun then at least let me know so that I can go have fun instead of sitting and waiting for you.
But anyways, they always come back to me telling me how they're sorry and how horrible their life has been without me…blah blah blah…etc. I don't know, is that considered mental and emotional abuse? The way I see it, I'm not asking them to go out and buy me things, or be with me 24/7, I just want a bit of their time and to treat me with respect.
But ya…oh! also, last night was a bit funny. My boyfriend's brother called him out. I thought that it was just me thinking that he was extremely lazy because what I do is that I cook and clean for him. When he comes home I ask him if he's hungry and cook whatever he wants that we have in the house, he drinks ALOT of water so I also make sure that he has a bunch of water near him as well. And I make sure that the our place is clean, laundry is done and stuff like that. What he does, he comes home from work, sits down infront of the Wii and doesn't move from that spot until he goes to bed. Occassionally he goes to the bathroom or he sits with me for a few minutes and shows me attention. But last night his brother called him out as being lazy because we wanted him to stay up a bit later and he said that he'd only stay up if his brother gave him money for energy drinks and if I called off the bet we had. His brother wanted to know what the bet was. The bet was that my boyfriend couldn't for 24 hours without playing Wii. If he won then for 1 day I'd get him whatever he wanted, the kitchen wouldn't close for 24 hours. So If he woke up at 3am and wanted a quesodilla then I'd have to make him one. if he lost then he couldn't ask me to do anything for 2 days. He'd have to make his own food, do his own laundry, all of that stuff.
So his brother told him that he's extremely lazy and then started to give comment after comment about how he's no longer buff and he has twig arms and a gut and stuff like that. So ya…I came to the conclusion of what is expected of him in his family's eyes, and what's expected of me. He's expected to bring home the whole pig, not just the bacon, but the whole pig and also be ripped with muscles since he's under 30 years old. I'm expected to cook, clean, not get morbidly obese and basically run the entire household while my boyfriend is supposed to just be the paycheck that pays for everything that's needed.
But having a talk with him really made me realize how differently we were raised. He was raised that the man is the head of the household, no questions asked. He's supposed to bring home money. The woman is supposed to do all the upkeep of the house and take care of the children. Basically 1920s style. To be honest, I have no problem staying home all day and taking care of kids and the house, I really don't. But here's how I was raised. The woman is the one in charge, she's the one that has the final say in things, she's the one that keeps the housing running and functional and also brings home the bacon. I was raised that both the man and woman work, but they work together, but the woman always ends up doing more.
As I've gotten older I've understood that sometimes I want my man to sit on the couch while I'm making something delicious for him, for me, it makes me feel like I'm useful, and when he eats whatever I made I feel happy because I'm making him happy and I just feel more like a martha stewart, you know? Sometimes that's just how it goes, just like how sometimes men do things to make the woman happy, but then end up feeling happy as well because they're taking care of them.
Also, since I'm home alone with my boyfriend's brother, I kind of caught myself by surprise. I kept asking my boyfriend's brother if he wanted something to eat, or if I could make him something or bring him something to drink, or do anything for him. I realized that I'm getting used to taking care of someone constantly, that when I don't have someone to take care of I go searching for someone to take care of. Well, he just looked at me like I was crazy and said no. So I just cleaned the entire house instead. Later tonight though I'm going to make some spaghetti and meatballs.