I hadn't mentioned that I also suffer from PTSD. When I was a baby and up to age 8, I was physically abused by my father. I would get daily beatings for no reason at all. I was strangled multiple times by him in attempt to kill me. my mom sufffered beatings too while trying to protect me. My house was filled with violance. I'm the second of three girls and I was the only one to experiance his wrath. It's all still fresh in my memory and it makes me cry to talk about it. I never felt beautiful until I was 18. I always felt like the ugly duckling. After my mom brought us to America to get away from him, I tried to keep in touch. He never once answered my letters. I sent him a picture of my self when I was in 9th grade. I got his number from my mom, I wanted to know if he had received the picture. He said "I don't get why you sent me a picture, you are the ugliest child I've ever seen, I can't belive you're my daughter!" I haven't spoken or written to him since. I just gave up. It's too bad that he won't get to know his daughter.
Everything I went through with him made me not trust anyone. My flash backs occur when I hear a couple fighting, even if it's only on T.V. I can't stand the sight of it. I have to walk away and my anxiety increases.
All I ever wanted was to be loved by him. I didn't understand why he treated me the way he did. I feel recentment towards "daddy's girls" because I never got to experience that. Mom says I should forgive him because he's my father, but to be honest I could care less if he died tomorrow.