My wife and I have had a wonderful marriage for over 18 years. at first times were rough and we both were working our tails off just to make ends meet (who can't relate to that). Being an old fashioned kind of guy, I grew really aggressive and managed to worked my way up from a warehouse worker to a Senior Project Manager in a Major Telecom Company. As we began to get more money, I encouraged my wife to find the career that she liked and get her education and I moved more into the role of sole provider.
Last October, the pressure of the company buy outs and lay offs and general unethical behavior throughout the entire economy crash I went to a psychiatrist who advised me to seek outpatient assistance at a local mental institution. I was diagnosed with Anxioty , and bi-polar depression. I guess I was not really ready to hear it at the time so I did what I had to do at the time to get through and out of the program. Shortly after getting out my wife went through the program. She took it much more seriously than I did at the time.
Fast forward a month and I was laid off and looking for work, my wife was too. I made the mistake of taking the first thing that came along and less than two months later I was not only out of a job due to a manic episode, I was also not able to receive unemployment. I was now at rock bottom. I am so depressed that I can't imagine a day that I do not contemplate ending my life and my wife and two kids are looking at a stranger. But worse than that, it feels like my wife resents me more each day for something I don't feel I have any control over. I don't know what to do anymore.
Frazzled people aren't very glamerous. They just try to survive. Even by blaming each other; try to remember this is the stress of the situation. Try to give each other elbow room for your individual stress reactions. It may be easier on both of you is you can force yourselves to do relaxations exercises regularly. The children will be fine if their parents are fine. So concentrated on yourselves. Good luck with it all. Try to maintain a modicum of hope and optimism.
Angrypoet is right..all of us americans are struggling right now with the economy…they just laid off 10 people at my job so the rest of us are worried when it's going to be our turn. Hang in there, I have bipolar too and it's no joke and your right you don't really have much control but taking meds do help a lot. Sounds like you've been dealing with a lot of stress for a looog period of time, that can wear a person down in itself. It's easy to contemplate ending your life when your backed in a corner with no where to turn. However, this situation isn't going to last the rest of your life, it will change, takes a minute and that minute can feel like an eternity so take a deep breath, and relax. Your wife is probably blaming herself for some things and may feel like a failure as well. You both probably have similar feelings, so talk about it with her, you were a great team before and your still a team and you'll both figure it out. Most importantly you definitely are not alone, we're all right there with you. Take care of yourself, we are to listen if you need it.
I really appreciate the input. I am just going to have to pull up my big boy pants, wipe the tears from my eyes, cancel the efforts for disability, figure out what I want to be when I grow up, and get out there and be it. It is the only way I am going to be able to save my relationship with my wife and kids. Emotions be damned!