I used to have severe OCD. I'm now in the mild range through years of self done CBT. I forced myself to deal with my triggers head on and forced myself not to do my compulsions. Not to check more than once. Not to wash my hands 12 times every time I touched below my knee. Countless other things. Looking at me now, you (generally) would have no idea how Iused to struggle. Sometimes I still surprise myself when I do something I never would have been able to handle 7 years ago. At the same time, I can't imagine still living like I used to live. Remembering these emotions makes me nearly cry in mourning of the 22 years I was in the unrelenting grasp of my… anxiety hardly seems to cover it… terror. It was horrible. There literally aren't words. Too many of you know exactly what I mean. I am so sorry if you are where I was.

 

What brought it all back was watching the A&E series Obsessed. The first episode was about two individuals struggling with OCD. Seeing them do the things I used to do while crying and hating it while having no choice but to do these things that tormented them… it was too much. I had to turn it off. I can't watch that. It's too painful to see them struggle and remember my own pain. I feel waves of that same old anxiety that used to hold me 24 hours a day. I'm struggling to push it down. Push it away. I know it won't stay. I won't let it. I've worked too hard for too long to lapse into my severe times again. I won't do it. I can't do that and survive again. Not when I know how much better just being at a mild level is.

 

Funny enough, I work at a pediatric psych facility. I work with mostly BPD, depression, Histrionic, RAD, ODD, Bipolar, Self-Injury, Suicidal Ideation, and Aggression. I rarely work with anxiety. This makes me wonder if I really could.

 

If anyone has questions about how I've managed to work myself from severe to mild with no meds and basically immersion therapy on my own, feel free to message me. I'd be more than happy to talk.

Resist,

Tim

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