Six months ago I cut my family out of my life. I've never felt better. I'm not married so by family I mean brother, mother, sister-in-law and indifferent tribe members who take more and never give back. the energy suckers

The last time I saw my brother I said something he did not like and he drew back his fist to smash me in the face. It was Christmas Eve a year and half ago. We were sitting at his kitchen table. I had no money, was dependent on him for a ride home. I didn't react. I sat there paralyzed. I went to bed early. The next morning I was physically ill. I stayed in bed. Christmas morning was void of love or Spirit. I asked my brother to drive me home. We didn;t speak of the incident. I was terrified. He's alcoholic and capable of much violence. Walking on egg shells.

I prayed for answers. If i let go of family, I would be alone. then I realized i was already alone. These people were monsters. Mentally impaired by alcohol, drugs and negative. Toxic people who dragged me down.

I searched the web, Oprah, Dr. Phil, Saddleback Church. "It's your family. Let go of the past or you'll be sorry." Pop psychology encouraged me to try again by having a heart-to-heart. I tried, really I tried. I felt so guilty for wanting to dump my family, while my intuition said "cut 'em loose". I lived a year in confusion. "You're going to be so lonely."

Only I wasn't confused. I lacked courage.

This Feb I let go of my family. Whew. I'm so glad I cut them loose. I've wanted to for decades. So glad I listened to myself, my inner voice.

I'm free. I'm in therapy to deal with the guilt and to structure a new social network. It's going to take time. My therapist agrees with my decision. Yeah. she's a great ally.

I'm not writing to tell ya'll to dump toxic family members. That would be your personal decision.

I just want to share that i went against the "family" grain and left for greener pastures.

It's like a woman in a violent marriage and the counsel says to hang in there for the sake of the marriage.

Forgiveness is not always the key. Sometimes it's best to walk away. Some relationships no longer serve us and we grow out of them.

It's not always fun. I spent last christmas alone in my apartment crying my eyes out. Not so this Christmas (even though it's August) I'm planning to spend Christmas Day being of service. Serving the hungry at the shelter. I've already signed up.

My family will speak of me harshly. No one will call to wish me well. No one will come over to bring me a "plate"- I don't call them either.

I feel at peace.

I need the help of a therapist to get me through the transition. I can't go it alone. I'm not superwoman.

I've said my peace. I feel at peace.

Peace,

Wanda