Hi. My name’s Adrian. I’ve been a member on Depression Tribe before, but left for a while. The site has changed a lot…

So I’m currently going through the worst time of my life… I’m battling with my studies, I have respiratory problems, I lost my girlfriend about a week ago, I crashed my parents car 2 days ago, and I found out yesterday that my girlfriend has been seeing one of my friends behind my back… I’ve taken knocks, and I’ve been low before… But this is a new level of despair and hurt that I’ve never experienced before… Anywhoo, I’ll try keep this as short as possible. My girlfriend, now ex, and I have had a lot of tension in our relationship in the last 3 months… I was very insecure, and lacked ambition for anything in life. I was severely depressed. Not that I’m not more so now… Anyway, long story short, I impulse broke up with her for the 3rd or 4th time… After our most recent fallout, I finally opened my eyes and realized how much I was hurting her due to my irrational behavior. I felt utterly gutted. I still do… Obviously, the incident is still fresh. After realizing the errors of my ways, I did everything in my power to pick up the pieces, and make things right. For once I was certain I could. I gained a new perspective on life. I did everything, and I mean everything I could… I showed her that I acknowledge my mistakes, and laid out how I was going to go about fixing myself. Fixing us… I left a bouquet of roses by her gran’s house, where she stays. Wrote letters… Countless messages and calls… I started exercising. I even went as far as to do compile a folder with ways and means to leave the country and build our lives… She was oddly adamant that she wanted nothing to do with me anymore… She blocked my number along with every other number I used to try contact her… I know I hurt her by impulse breaking up with her… But I was always faithful. I always went out of my way for her… I did so much for her, and I feel like she’s just been taking advantage… So many couples have been through so much worse, and bounced back. Why couldn’t we? From something so insignificant? Especially after my eye opening and tremendous efforts… I Even drove out of town +-80KM (+-49 Miles) to her parents farm, with another bouquet of roses—to speak to her father and apologize for hurting his daughter. Bare in mind, a relationship is a 2-way street, and I’m only focusing on my errors, never mind the things she did to me… I’ve been doing everything in my power to make things right… I now know why in the course of 1 day, she wanted nothing to do with me anymore… She was seeing my one friend, and had already established a relationship. My heart sank through my soul… That was so low of her… Of my friend… My ex admitted that she started getting over me since our new year’s incident… For the past 3 months… If that’s what she felt, fair enough… But why look me in the eye and tell me that I’m her one and only, while subtly establishing a connection with my friend… I feel like she got over me while I was still there to support her… And knowing I would impulse break again, she primed things with my friend, her crush. I feel like she used my emotions to clear her own conscience by being able to say that I left her, and walked straight out of me and into someone else… This is obviously for the most part speculation, but it makes sense, and answers a lot of oddities… It kills me… Now all I can picture is her doing all the amazing things we planned to do, with someone else… Making love to my friend… Sigh… Also, all my friends knew about this… All five or so of them… And I only found out when one of my friends respected me enough to tell me what was going on. I was pouring my heart and soul out trying to make things right… And this is what I got… A kick while I was down… The situation has blown out of proportion now, and our group has split… I’m feeling so gutted… So depressed, so used, so taken advantage of, so worthless… My deepest feelings, values, efforts, heart… Meant nothing to her… Again, I know I hurt her… But I did everything I could… I learnt so much from everything that’s happened, and I will make sure to hold these lessons very close going into the future. I’ve started picking up the pieces worth picking up, and making new ones where I lack. As positive as I’m trying my best to be, I can’t deny that I’m feeling utterly shredded and betrayed down to my core… I left out some details, for the sake of this posts length, but I think I covered the main idea. I hope I can pull myself out of this hole… As for the car—we’re still busy with the insurance…

I hope things can find a gear soon, before I crumble more than I have… If anyone took the time to read this far, thank you very much. It means a lot to me. Feel free to comment, just please, with all due respect, no religious posts…