Heres more to my story for those that have read this morning entry……
Everyone has tuff times in the marriage and this last rough patch we hit was the final staw for me. This wasn't the first time we had issues with one of us going astray. About 8 years ago i had repressed memories frm sexual abuse as a child come flooding back in. The uncle that had saved me frm it was dying and on one of the nights that I was with him it all just flooded back in my head.
When I went back home that night to my husband and told him as i cried for hours he acted as it was no big deal. That lead to alot of hate built up in me went to thearpy he would storm out when the doctor told him how to help or things that he should do for me because I had got to the point that I didn't want to be touched. He seen it as a cop-out, I told him I couldn't give him what he needed to go somewhere eles. NOT thinking that he would he had not 1 but 3 girlfriends he claims that nothing sexual happened but only he's knows that answer.
The hard part about it is that i just found this out as we went yet another life changing event, I'm only 36 and had to have a full hystorectoremy (spp) sorry) anyways as his usual way he was too busy with work to be there for my surgery, My emotions have been all over the page for months now and the months leading up to my surgery, At the time i had a guy friend that I talked to everyday because we worked together, My husband was aware of the friendship.
The one thing that I never thought would happen was that I feel in love with him. He always had time to listen and tried to give good advice to make it work at home. I found that my husband being to busy with work to be at my surgery that would forever change my life and how he never had time for the childrens games or things at school i just LOST it.
I felt that I was important enough for him there was someone that would gladly take his place, So the friendship moved forward. Yes I regret all the hurt that I have caused mostly for my children whom I pray will forgive me one day. The pain hasn't gotten any easier for me and I don't really expect it too for a very long time. My oldest son stop by today looking for his shoes and all I could do was hold him a cry. I begged him to please move back with me that I needed him and his brother and I love them very much and I was very sorry for the pain that i caused. This has been a very BAD week for me as I feel i have hit ROCK BOTTOM.
It is indeed a difficult situation and your doctor's told him you needed support and how to give it. He paid no mind. You are in a difficult place in your life and you do need someone who is offering the support willingly. This is too much for the kids. That can't give you ans support and you are not going to be much use to them in this condition. You need to see to your own healing before you can be there for anyone else.
I know this is very difficult to read, but think on it.
Thank you for your advice I think the most thing that I am dealing with right now is that i am looking for that magic answer. and it never going to be there only i can know what is right for me but are too afraid too face what I have done, So i look for direction and guidence and try to be very hopeful that someone will say something too me that finally makes that light go off in my head,