Scary emptiness and void

Want to avoid

Slowing down makes me feel depressed, sad

Want to stay busy to avoid feelings of sadness, loneliness

Feelings of anger, resentment boil up

Don’t like feelings of anger,

Want to bury, ignore

Learning to mindfully acknowledge feeling of loneliness , anger, feeling crushed

Trying to just be with the feelings, not fix or avoid or run away from feelings

Demands , urgent demands being barked at me by myself

Trying to compel and command me to start being frantic ,

Breathing, iiiinnnnn aaaannndddd ouuuuutttt

Closing eyes, asking God to teach me to be compassionate with myself,

To be gently curious with my feelings

Never realized that I could try to learn to be compassionate with self

Never thought much before of trying to be gently curious with pain, fear

Compassion, seeing , feeling little boy inside , so scared, so angry

Little boy, I am here, God is here, I feel your pain, I suffer with you and want to help bear your pain

God’s spirit hovering over the water in the beginning

The earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters. Genesis 1:2