For years and years I allowed OCD to control my thoughts and through that it controlled every aspect of my life. Whole decades got swallowed up that way. Chance after chance to be happy and to have a life that was whole passed me by because I was too afraid to confront the OCD for what it was. An illusion. I don't know how a person adds up the cost of all the chances to be happy that were never taken. Coming to that realization would show in undeniable terms what the OCD REALLY takes away without giving anything back. Eventually I began to fight back and I won't lie it was hard. But it was worth it. I went through some very dark days at the beginning but a few dark days in exchange for recovery is better than a lifetime of dark days being a puppet on a string. As time went on the OCD began to lose its hold on me and fighting back became exciting. It was a rush to see how far I could push myself and that rush made me keep pushing. I've still got OCD and I probably always will. I have to be mindful of it the same way a person with diabetes has to be conscious of their health. There are plenty of days that I feel worn out, stressed, and even depressed. However, the thing to realize is that these feelings were just that, feelings. Feelings are not facts and don't always accurately represent reality. There is no group of people who can testify to that better than we can. I used to think that if I felt something, it must be valid. This isn't the case. We have to be conscious and mindful of what we are thinking about and in particular what we are dwelling on. To stay out of that discouraging blackhole I came up with a strange coping mechanism but it worked for me and it may work for others. I keep a file that shows all the things I want to be, achieve, or find inspirational and especially motivational. I keep it in a computer folder and when I get worn down and need a shot in the arm to remind me of what I'm in this fight for, I browse through it and it brings me back around. OCD saturates our minds with poisonous thoughts. I figure the best way to fight back is to spend just as much time and hopefully more focusing on things that build us up. Take it from someone who knows. Recovery is possible. Sorry if I sound preachy. I don't mean to come off that way. I've been helping a friend with their recovery and who knows maybe my strategy can be of use to someone else as well. So, there it is. Good night y'all.

2 Comments
  1. KylaRose21 9 years ago

    Doesn't sound preachy. 🙂 I like your idea of an \”inspiration\” file.

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  2. rainingoctober 9 years ago

    Your writing is great, and you have some good advice! I think keeping a file of encouragement close by is a good idea. We get so worn down sometimes by our own minds, then embarassed because we realize we are just wearing ourselves down, and we can't just snap our fingers to fix it. Thank you for posting this!!!

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