If I did not experience Ocd i could have done better in school or had better relationships.. I do not mind being called weird, because I am, but I do not find my ocd appealing just as much as the others may have thought.. if they noticed. there was this event one of the days, we had no class so everyone was enjoying and party like, and there i am, got all things in locker and checked on them in my desk, like rewriting something a bit, ripping out pages that doesnt seem right, getting angry to the little notes or papers i slipped in, etc.. similar kind of thing also happened in some after school hours, everyone went home and im still there, 'making things right in my locker because i cant go down stairs without it finishing. in class i get disturbed when i write,i tracing the words i wrote, checking my notebook, making sure i put my things in the right place, which irritates me badly if i did not. i also find doing some of my bad habits such as clearing my throat, nail biting, i bite it till the corner becomes neat, not caring if it bled, and this would hurt so much days after. recently ive been doing my compulsions mindlessly, or like a habit, i cant list all.. . Some people told me to 'get busy with other things', but everytime i get the certain thing done, Ocd comes back. i always feel the stress building up, thus i cant concentrate well on either studies or social activity, or enjoying by myself. The organizing, checking, alligning, anxiety, cleaning, undoing, habits and other rituals takes over my mind and stuff.. im also starting to have weird dreams because inside my head is like scrambled. I just noticed that writing the things i do makes me realize how stupid it is, maybe this could help.. Now, im trying to find some cure, mostly on internet because i have no one to speak to in actual.. I hope i'll find that way, and i really wish i would become fine sooner..

5 Comments
  1. rainingoctober 8 years ago

    I remember in middle school I would have to write letters, erase, and re-write them until they were perfect. This took forever on simple little assignments. Do you have anyone, like a trusted adult, you could talk to about this?

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  2. Riku 8 years ago

    You made me feel less alone. No, sadly, i do not know any trusted adult to talk about it, also i cant tell my parents. so i come to this site because maybe this could help me even a little

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  3. sunninbunni 8 years ago

    There are many books about OCD , I'm reading Brain Lock right now it is excellent . Maybe reading about your illness can help I know it helps me . Plus it's a distraction and maybe that will help you. Plus knowledge is power knowing this illness helps you understand how your brain works. And that it's not your fault it's OCD . Good luck I hope you feel better soon . And try to get some help and read about OCD give yourself a understanding of why you are the way you are… :0)

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  4. Epix 8 years ago

     If I didn't have ocd, I would have finished college. I got it really bad during my first semester freshman year. I could have been a pharmacist by now. LOL! Can you believe that? Gosh.

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  5. Riku 8 years ago

    Thanks for the advices, i'll  talk to our school councellor maybe, it would be much better if he could give me a prescription.. yes, i cant believe its 3 years now, if this keeps up this i can see now that this would be serious trouble for my studies. And i had less ideas of books about OCD, i'll try to check out the book Brain Lock then as a starter!

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