… I lost it… and if it wasnt for my current mind state, and for how far it feels like I have come… I'd be a mess right now..
My man asked me a personal question, and i didnt have the full answer so i said i dont know and when he asked again.. i yelled at him.. " i dont know its just the fucking way my mind works!"
We were getting on a train at this point.. i didnt even see him get on it.. i had no idea where he went.. so i started panicking.. and i walked past a window and saw him.. he had the worst look on his face… all i could say was "thanks for leaving" and he said he wasnt, that he was just trying to find us a seat cause there was so many people on the train.. We were basically quiet the whole trip back.. and i tried talking to him about.. but he just said "its like you were expecting me not to ask, you cant just communicate about things whenever, and then not"… So we just kept yelling at each other until i said id shut up.. but that didnt help.. we kept talking until eventually i just screamed "i'll just shut up, im trying but it still isnt getting me anywhere is it?!?" I literally sprinted away from him.. until i couldnt run anymore.. then went back, got my bag which i threw, told him i was going home and then he asked for my headphones.. so when i put the bag on ground to get them.. i fell with it.. and yelled "and you wonder why its easier for me to talk to my psychologist? Im trying but its probably about the wrong thing isnt it?!".. and fell into tears.. he came over and tried to hug me.. which he succeeded and i just couldnt stop crying..
There was no need for me to scream at him like that.. We seem okay now.. but i cant believe i screamed and run away from him..